I was babysitting some kids at a farm down the road -- the one with the long laneway and the big creaky house. I was 13.
I had just put the kids to bed when a storm rolled in. A big one. Lightning flashed and thunder roared, and soon enough the power went out. I had no idea where to find candles or flashlights, so I glued myself to the couch, clutching a throw pillow for comfort. The rain rattled the farmhouse windows and the wind howled around the corners. I was terrified.
The doorbell rang. I felt my way through the dark to the front door. The door was flimsy, with metal on the bottom half and a large glass pane on the top half. As I reached for the handle there was a flash of lightning and through the glass I saw two large men. Each man had a large gun slung over his shoulder.
(I realize this is beginning to sound like a scene from a slasher movie, but this actually happened.)
I unlocked the door anyway (OMG. Why?! WHY did I do this?!).
I saw myself opening the door (You idiot! They'll kill us all!!!).
I politely asked the armed gentlemen how I could help them. They wanted to know if they could hunt at the back of the farm. I can't remember what I said to them but I closed the door after they left and burst into tears. I was hysterical. I had to call my mom to come over and calm me down. Needless to say, I was never asked to babysit there again. Not that I would have.
Why am I telling you this story? To illustrate a point: We don't make very good decisions when we're afraid.
Fear is good if you encounter a grizzly bear or a swarm of angry hornets. It keeps you alert and gets you the hell out of Dodge. But fear gets in the way, too. At work. In life.
Just think of all the things you've done because of fear. Stayed in a shitty relationship. Failed to speak up. Studied the wrong thing. Did what you were told. Kept the soul-crushing job. Stayed small. Held back. Watched from the sidelines.
And how does that feel? To give in to fear?
Do that over and over again and you've got yourself a life of regret, and nobody wants that.
What if this time you didn't let fear win?
I'm not talking about base jumping or ice climbing or going from zero to 60 in three seconds flat. I'm just talking about making good decisions for yourself, even in the face of fear. Small decisions, at first.
Once you get the hang of it, you realize that walking through your fear doesn't actually kill you. In fact, it makes you stronger, bolder, and eventually you start to wonder why you ever held back in the first place.
What's one small thing you can do today to move through you fear?
Originally published at Careergasm.
10 Fears That Kill Relationships
You Fear Rejection(01 of10)
Open Image ModalWhat you tell yourself: "If I'm not perfect I'll be rejected..."If you're constantly fearing rejection and hide your true self, psychologist and relationship expert Michelle Skeen says this may stop people from getting too close to you or knowing the real you. (credit:CHRIS/RelaXimages via Getty Images)
You Let Your Emotions Get The Best Of You(02 of10)
Open Image ModalWhat you tell yourself: "I'll never have someone who understands me/connects with me emotionally..."Skeen says this is when you don't share your vulnerabilities with others, because you're worried about how they would respond. "You become angry and demanding when you don't get what you need," she says. (credit:Yagi Studio via Getty Images)
You Fear Upsetting Others(03 of10)
Open Image ModalWhat you tell yourself: "If I don't tolerate criticism or abuse I'll be alone..."Not only is this unhealthy way to maintain a relationship, but you may let people take advantage of you. "You are accommodating and compliant as a way to prevent the other person from getting angry," she says. (credit:Cheng Xin via Getty Images)
You Have A List Of 'Needs'(04 of10)
Open Image ModalWhat you tell yourself: " I'll never get what I need from another person..."When you have a long list of needs, you avoid relationships because you never feel like you'll find someone who will fulfill these needs, Skeen says. "You resent others because you aren't getting the love and understanding that you need." (credit:LWA via Getty Images)
You Fear Getting Hurt(05 of10)
Open Image ModalWhat you tell yourself: "People will take advantage of me if I let my guard down..."Skeen says this is when you avoid getting close to others because you fear they will hurt you in the long run. (credit:Tetra Images - Jamie Grill via Getty Images)
You Fear Coming Out Of Your Shell(06 of10)
Open Image ModalWhat you tell yourself: "If people really knew me they would reject me..."Skeen says some people may hide who they really are — their beliefs, thoughts, dreams — from others because they fear rejection for being themselves. "You may present only a superficial face to the world instead of allowing anyone to dig deeper," she says. (credit:Cultura/Antonio Saba via Getty Images)
You Fear Criticism(07 of10)
Open Image ModalWhat you tell yourself: "I'll never measure up to others...""You allow others to criticize you or minimize your accomplishments. Or, you overachieve to avoid criticism of others," Skeen says. (credit:Image Source via Getty Images)
You Fear Loneliness(08 of10)
Open Image ModalWhat you tell yourself: "I avoid relationships because ultimately I'll be left alone..."Some people may focus their time and energy on work and/or extracurricular activities so they keep themselves busy, Skeen says. (credit:Carlina Teteris via Getty Images)
You Fear Betrayal(09 of10)
Open Image ModalWhat you tell yourself: "I can't be vulnerable with another person because they will use it against me..."If you're constantly on guard for any sign of betrayal, you may lash out at others as a way to protect yourself, Skeen says. (credit:David Ryle via Getty Images)
You Fear Not Having The Perfect Person(10 of10)
Open Image ModalWhat you tell yourself:"I'll never get the love I want..."Sure, some expectations in a relationship are fine, but you should never go into one with a long list of must-haves. If you do, Skeen says this leads people to become angry or frustrated if they find partners who don't meet their expectations. (credit:Erik Dreyer via Getty Images)