Every single day, we’re surrounded by rules. We tell our dog, “Spit that out! Stop, I see you! Don’t eat crap off the floor!” We pay at the grocery store because, apparently, that’s a law. We make little kids eat their greens before they get a cookie. Rules are everywhere — and they’ve even crept into our relationships.
From who texts first in the morning to whether your partner can have friends of the opposite sex, every couple seems to have its own “rulebook” for love. Some rules are cute, some are quirky and some… well, make you raise an eyebrow. Are they healthy boundaries, or red flags in disguise?
We spoke to real couples about the rules they live by — from the mildly amusing to the downright questionable — and asked relationship experts to weigh in. The result? A fascinating and sometimes brutal look at the do’s, don’ts and debates shaping modern romance.
Note: Some of the people we spoke with asked to use only their first names to protect their privacy.
No New [Insert The Gender You Sleep With] Friends
In a TikTok with more than 248K likes as of this writing, creator Davide De Pierro discusses how one of his dating rules is that his female partner shouldn’t make new male friends. She’s allowed to have male friends… as long as they met before the relationship started. Making new ones while committed? Not allowed.
Many of us know the feeling: a friend drifting away because their partner isn’t comfortable, or trying to chat with someone platonically, only to be reminded, “I’m taken.”
Cue the classic “When Harry Met Sally” debate: Can members of the opposite sex really be friends?
“Rules like this should never be completely non-negotiable. As a couple, there should be an open and respectful discussion where both partners’ feelings about this are heard and a common agreement is made together.”
- Rachel Rose, relationship and boundaries coach and author
HuffPost spoke to Rachel Rose, a relationship and boundaries coach and author, to get her take on this trend and the rules around opposite-sex friendships for heterosexual couples.
“Part of my work is understanding male psychology,” Rose said. “From a heterosexual male’s point of view, many believe that all men think the same as they do, and very few genuinely believe that a man and woman can have a friendship where the man is not interested in the woman. Men are instinctively very territorial; in fact, the more ‘masculine’ a man is, the more territorial he tends to be. If he doesn’t buy into the idea of opposite-sex platonic friendships, then he will see new relationships with men as disrespectful, threatening and ultimately unnecessary.”
“That being said, healthy relationships are grounded in trust,” Rose continued. “Rules like this should never be completely non-negotiable. As a couple, there should be an open and respectful discussion where both partners’ feelings about this are heard and a common agreement is made together, one that feels fair and supportive for both parties.”
‘R U ALIVE?’
My mom is always surprised by my oldest sister’s minimal contact with her partner when she’s visiting. They barely speak over the phone, even though they’re perfectly happy together. Every couple has different expectations for staying in touch when apart, and some even set rules around it.
“When they’re on holiday, I require daily proof of life,” Savannah, 27, told HuffPost. “Just one message a day is enough, and of course, I do the same when [I’m] away.”
“I agree with this one entirely, and that’s particularly true for very newly established relationships,” Rose shared. “Being in a relationship means making a pledge to continuously build and sustain trust and transparency. It also means keeping each other involved in each other’s lives.”
“When partners go completely silent during a holiday, it can feel like neglect to the other person, especially when time zones have doubled or tripled due to distance,” Rose continued. “Remember, if you’re the one on holiday, time flies because you’re in full leisure mode; your senses are constantly stimulated by new people, places and experiences. Your partner, however, who likely invests a lot of emotional energy into you, suddenly finds that one of their main sources of stimulation, aka you, is unavailable. That makes their days feel longer and often causes them to think of you more. One small interaction a day is simply reassuring them that they’re not forgotten, and that you haven’t taken time off from the relationship.”
Also, honestly, sending one message a day shouldn’t be that hard. Cheat code: Snap a few photos of what you’ve been up to or even just your view! Minimal effort, maximum intimacy. You’re welcome.
No Instagram Baddies
Our parents had it so much easier pre-social media. As long as their partner hid the tattered Playboy magazine before they came over, they never had to know they were ogling hot women. Now? We’re constantly tempted to dissect their Instagram follows.
“I don’t see any reason for my boyfriend to be following hot girls or models on Instagram that he doesn’t know in real life,” Madison, 33, said. “We’re not in our twenties, where it’s fine for a guy to follow a bunch of bikini models. We’re in our thirties, and this is a hard rule for me.”
Now for the expert take, and she’s not afraid to ruffle a few feathers with this one.
“What needs to be understood is that being in a relationship doesn’t magically mean the world stops intersecting with you or your partner.”
- Rose
“It might surprise you, but I actually don’t agree with this one,” Rose said. “I think this mindset is the result of social media taking over too much of our emotional space, and it can easily become unhealthy in relationships. What needs to be understood is that being in a relationship doesn’t magically mean the world stops intersecting with you or your partner. It also doesn’t mean that your biology (or theirs) is suddenly rewritten to only notice one person. Love is not possession.”
Also, Instagram isn’t their entire world. You can’t stop someone from noticing attractive people, whether it’s on TV, in the street, at an office party, or elsewhere. But if they’re actively seeking out that content? That’s when it starts to feel a little concerning.
“That said, if your partner’s entire following list consists solely of hot girls or models, then yes, that’s a red flag and worth addressing,” Rose added. “But if we’re talking about a moderate mix that includes real-life connections and other interests, what’s the real issue?”
Touching Base On A Night Out
I’m going to put myself on the spot with one of my own relationship rules from a previous partner. We were together for four years, and infidelity happened at one point. Struggling with anxious attachment and constant paranoia, I finally asked for one small thing: a single message on a night out, just to know he was thinking of me and to feel a sense of safety. He didn’t agree, saying he didn’t want to be on his phone when he was with friends.
Rationally, we can’t control our partner’s actions on a night out. But irrationally… is that really too much to ask? Time to consult an expert.
“I believe this one is context-dependent,” Rose shared. “Unlike being on holiday, this is just one night. If it feels natural for your partner to send you something during their night out, that’s perfectly fine. But I also think it’s completely healthy for your partner to have fun with their friends without having to energetically include you during the few hours they get to socialize.”
“It’s not necessarily a sign of neglect, it’s a sign of independence, something that should be fostered and encouraged in healthy relationships,” Rose continued. “It also means you’ll have plenty to catch up on the next day, which keeps things interesting and helps maintain a sense of mystery and individuality within the relationship.”
This certainly gives me some food for thought. It probably goes without saying, but the “just send me a message” solution isn’t a foolproof way to stay safe. I once spent a lovely morning with a partner, got sweet messages before they headed to an event… and then spent the next morning sobbing until I felt sick when I found out they’d strayed. So, yeah, I’m still searching for my cheat code.
Hug And ‘Reset’
TikTok content creator Lauren Hunter shared a few of her relationship rules with her current boyfriend, including how they handle arguments. “When an argument becomes overheated, we say ‘reset,’ hug and restart the conversation,” she wrote over a video of herself.
This seems healthier than couples who claim they never argue. One user commented, “If someone said reset to me, I’d literally blow up.” But most viewers were distracted by the fact that Lauren supposedly never touches doors… how? Let’s stick to the important part: resetting in an argument.
HuffPost spoke to Alex Limanowka, a psychologist and psychotherapist who specializes in relationships.
“This can be a healthy way to pause an argument and prevent it from escalating,” she said. “Taking a moment to regulate emotions before continuing the conversation often helps couples communicate more clearly and compassionately. If ‘reset’ serves as a genuine way to cool down and reconnect, it can be an excellent conflict-resolution strategy.”
The forced physical touch part of this doesn’t really sit with me. If I’m annoyed that they forgot to take out the trash… again, or they tell me not to “act so crazy,” I definitely don’t want their arms around me.
But I have found that taking a quick break when an argument heats up helps a lot. It prevents both of us from saying things we’ll regret later or turning a small disagreement into a bigger deal than it needs to be.
Sharing Locations
Now, this one’s a curious case, because let’s be honest, a lot of us are guilty of it. TikTok is full of people joking about tracking their friends like Sims characters or catching their ex-situationships in lies thanks to the Find My Friends function on the iPhone. But what do the experts actually think about location sharing?
“A few months into dating, we shared our locations so we can check them at any time,” Millie, 27, told HuffPost. “I’ve always done this in relationships, but it was my girlfriend’s first time.”
“The key question here is why the couple chooses to do this,” Limanowka said. “If it comes from a place of care or practicality — like ensuring safety —it can be harmless. But if it stems from insecurity or a need for control, it may point to deeper trust issues. As with any agreement, what matters most is mutual consent and whether it respects each partner’s privacy and autonomy.”
‘Oh, Was She pretty?’
There are a lot of wacky relationship rules we could take from this Instagram by influencer couple Hannah and Griffin, but we didn’t want to overwhelm our relationship expert. So let’s zoom in on one that seems a little more debatable.
Hannah explains that she and Griffin never compliment — or even acknowledge — the attractiveness of other people of their preferred gender. Apparently, it’s even caused tension with her mother-in-law and others, since they refuse to glance over or comment on anyone’s looks.
“It’s human to notice attractive people; that doesn’t stop when you’re in a relationship,” said Sabrina Zohar, dating coach and host of “The Sabrina Zohar Show” podcast. “If you’ve asked your partner not to comment and they keep doing it, that’s a respect issue. But banning all acknowledgement of other people’s attractiveness? That’s insecurity, not boundaries. Confidence is knowing your partner finds other people attractive and still chooses you.”
The ‘Good Morning’ Text
Honestly, forget a ring on your finger or the perfect dance partner — the real reason to get coupled up is to have someone, anyone, to text you first thing in the morning. Forget orgasms; it’s that sacred morning message I miss most, and I’m not the only one who feels this way.
“I travel quite a bit for work, so when we’re not together, we always text good morning and good night,” said Sophie, 28.
Zohar isn’t on the same page as us on this one: “A text is not proof of commitment. People can automate messages, send them out of obligation, or text you good morning and still treat you terribly the rest of the day. If one text makes you feel safe in your relationship, we need to look at what’s actually missing. It’s fine to want that communication, but look at how they show up for you in ways that actually matter, not just performative check-ins.”
Don’t worry, Sophie clarified that this isn’t a hard rule, just their way of staying close despite the distance.
Permission For Tattoos And Piercings
In relationships, people can change a lot. Some changes are inevitable, like fluctuations in weight, aging, or varying sex drives. Others are more intentional, like changes to appearance. We fall in love with a person, and that includes their look… even if it evolves over time, right?
“I tell girlfriends that we’re not getting new tattoos or piercings without discussing it first and agreeing,” said Chris, 33.
(Full disclosure: I’m reporting this as someone with far too many tattoos and piercings myself.)
“For some couples, discussing tattoos or piercings reflects shared values or aesthetic preferences. But it’s important to remember that bodily autonomy is non-negotiable.”
“If you want to make this agreement, that’s your prerogative, but hopefully it’s rooted in mutual respect — not control,” said Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, sex and relationship expert at sexual wellness brand WeVibe. “For some couples, discussing tattoos or piercings reflects shared values or aesthetic preferences. But it’s important to remember that bodily autonomy is non-negotiable.”
Your partner doesn’t own your body,” O’Reilly continued. “And a rule like this could tread into the territory of seeking permission as opposed to asking for input or showing consideration. Healthy relationships can include conversations about preferences and attraction, but they must also honor personal agency. You can care about one another’s opinions without compromising the fundamental right to make decisions about your own body.”
Instead, she suggested approaching the subject with: “We talk about personal decisions because we value openness, not because we need approval.”
Sticking To The Sex Schedule
Last but not least, let’s talk about the bedroom.
Sex habits can vary wildly in long-term relationships. You can go from doing it like bunnies to not even remembering the last time you had sex. Some couples set schedules or rules to navigate this very issue.
Celebrities are just like us! And sometimes we’re too busy to let things like our sex life just “go with the flow.” That’s why “Nobody Wants This” star Kristen Bell has shared that she has to schedule time for sex with her husband, Dax Shepard.
“I wish we would tune into quality over frequency when it comes to sex and intimacy.”
“We’re pretty decent about staying on top of it,” she told Entertainment Tonight. “We’ll be like, ‘Okay, it’s been how many days?’ We find a night when nobody is coming over and we don’t have to work super-early in the morning, and then we slot it in.”
This is a particularly interesting question for O’Reilly. “Routine and schedules can be helpful in maintaining connection, but sex shouldn’t feel like an obligation or performance metric,” O’Reilly explained. “I wish we would tune into quality over frequency when it comes to sex and intimacy.”
“If a once-a-week guideline encourages you to prioritize physical connection and keeps it on the radar, it can be beneficial,” she continued. “It will likely be even more beneficial if the number isn’t arbitrary and reflects your mutual desire (i.e, you talk about how often you want it and discuss the factors that influence your desire or lack thereof). You will also need to be flexible and responsive to each of your needs. However, if it becomes rigid or guilt-inducing, you risk turning sex into a chore rather than a pleasure.”
At the end of the day, every couple has its own set of rules. What matters most is finding boundaries that work for both partners, keeping communication open and remembering that no rule is worth sacrificing trust or happiness. Combine that with eating your greens and not putting any weird stuff in your mouth, and you should be fine.