There's something about local government that brings out the worst in some people.
Staff get spat on. Mayors and councillors are often the victims of what can only be described as cyberbullying. In some towns, process servers would be well-advised to offer volume discounts to local governments.
It takes place every which way imaginable: fighting between neighbouring councillors, between councillors on the same council, between councillors and staff, between the public and councillors and between the public and staff.
You almost need a scorecard to keep up with who's bullying who.
And it's time for a time out. Think adults are too old for time outs? Think again.
Nanaimo council has just hired an independent investigator for an undisclosed sum to carry out an inquiry into complaints of bullying and harassment between councillors and between council and staff.
This comes on the heels of the city hiring a facilitator from the Integrity Group (no relation) to help councillors make nice with each other.
In a recent interview with Barbara Yaffe of the Vancouver Sun, that city's outgoing chief planner, Brian Jackson, noted: "My staff, when they go to public meetings, have been spit at. They've been called names."
Jackson blames social media, in part.
In a recent article -- "Why Twitter's Dying" -- writer Umair Haque points to "the endless bickering, the predictable snark, the general atmosphere of little violences that permeate the social web. A town square where people can shove, push, taunt, bully, shout, harass, threaten, stalk, creep and mob you... and you can't even call a cop."
Jackson and Haque may be onto something.
Twitter tantrums -- the online equivalent of a four-year-old child acting up at the supermarket -- seem intended to inflict maximum damage to the character of an opponent in 140 characters or less.
One of the more colourful ones involved Vancouver Green party school trustee Janet Fraser and her decision to support a candidate from the NPA for the board's chairmanship back in 2014.
It didn't go over so well with Vision Vancouver who -- for some unfathomable reason -- decided that you catch more flies with vinegar than you do with honey.
A little short-sighted, since the chair quit a few months later and Fraser certainly had no love left to lose with Vision Vancouver when it came time to vote again.
Check out the various Facebook pages for civic watchdog groups across B.C. and there's no shortage of vitriol being hurled at elected officials and staff.
"Our bone-headed, pig-headed, empty-headed incumbents" is one of the milder critiques. I'm not entirely sure it's possible to be pig-headed and empty-headed at the same time, though.
In September, the Alaska Highway News reported that a Fort St. John city councillor took to Facebook to accuse a Dawson Creek councillor of "theft" for "stealing" one of the copies of a report delivered to the Peace River regional district office by the Northeast B.C. Resource Municipalities Coalition.
If it isn't already, WorkSafeBC should be on speed dial at a few city halls. One civic worker let it be known that he recently resigned, "because of the deplorable way (he) and others are treated."
He was referring to how staff treat other staff, but there's another dysfunctional relationship at many city halls: how the public treats them. It's not always pretty.
Try some of the same stunts at most places of employment and chances are the cops would be called or complaints filed with WorkSafeBC.
Two chief administrative officers left their posts, in part because they didn't sign on for the type of abuse hurled at them online and face-to-face.
Part of the problem is the habit of some councils to hide behind staff when they make unpopular decisions. Take a cue from the B.C. government: elected officials defend the decisions they make, not deputy ministers.
For lawyers, some of this is billable hours heaven -- for police, not so much.
White Rock's mayor called in the RCMP in September to help restore order during a council meeting when things got heated between him and a former councillor.
Most of this bullying could easily be stopped if some of the bullies asked themselves one question: how would they react if the shoe were on the other foot?
How To Talk About Bullying
DO: Tell Them They Are Not Alone(01 of11)
Open Image ModalBullying can be an incredibly isolating experience, and many victims feel that they are alone–that something about them, specifically, has brought this on. Explain to your child that bullying is something that can happen to anyone: boys, girls, preschoolers, high schoolers, kids at large schools and kids at small schools. This means there is a large group of people impacted by bullying, and if we all work together, we can certainly make a difference. (credit:Shutterstock)
DON'T: Suggest They "Just Ignore It"(02 of11)
Open Image ModalA common reaction to bullying is encouraging the victim to ignore the bully. "They just want a reaction," people say, and if you deny them the reaction, they'll go away. That's not always the case. Sometimes, when the bully realizes they are being ignored, they can feel a sense of power over their victim that can actually make the situation worse. (credit:Shutterstock)
DO: Check In Regularly(03 of11)
Open Image ModalAsking your child basic questions about their day and their experience at school can help you catch a problem sooner. Ask how a specific class was, or who they sat with at lunch. Ask who is trying out for the team, or who is going to local fair that weekend. These harmless questions tell your child that you care, but they can also help you detect changes in your child's situation that may indicate a bullying problem. (credit:Getty Images)
DON'T: Suggest Your Child Stand Up To The Bully(04 of11)
Open Image ModalWhile helping your child prepare a speech or enrolling them in self-defense courses might seem like an empowering solution, you're sending the message to your child that this problem is theirs, and that they have to handle it alone. Instead, discuss what some solutions might be and involve your child in the decision making process. (credit:Shutterstock)
DO: Set Boundaries Online(05 of11)
Open Image ModalThe National Crime Prevention Council reports that 20 to 43 percent of middle and high school school students have reported being victims of cyber bullying. Encourage your child to protect themselves by following these two guidelines:1. Never say or do anything online that you wouldn't say or do in person. 2. Never share any information that you wouldn't tell a stranger. (credit:Shutterstock)
DON'T: Express Disbelief(06 of11)
Open Image ModalWhile we'd like to think we know everything about our children and their friends, don't express disbelief if they say someone has done something that shocks you. Your child needs to know that they can trust you. Asking them to provide evidence or saying that someone "would never do that" can come across as you taking the side of someone other than your child. Instead, be as supportive as possible and listen to their side. (credit:Shutterstock)
DO: Encourage Them To Speak Up(07 of11)
Open Image ModalA recent study of children ages 9 to 12, showed that 56 percent said that they usually either say or do something to try to stop bullying or tell someone who can help (Brown, Birch, & Kancherla, 2005). Make sure your child knows who he or she can talk to if they have something they want to share, whether that is you, a school counselor, a teacher or a coach. (credit:Shutterstock)
DO: Discourage Password Sharing(08 of11)
Open Image ModalExplain the importance of keeping online passwords private, even from close friends. Your child may be thinking that sharing a password with a close friend is harmless and convenient, but explain that anyone with their password could impersonate them online and embarrass them. If they insist that the friend would never do that, remind them that the friend could share their password, either intentionally or unintentionally, and someone else would have that same power. (credit:Shutterstock)
DON'T: Take Matters Entirely Into Your Own Hands(09 of11)
Open Image ModalWhile your first reaction may be to protect your child by calling the parent of the bully or confront the child yourself, this is not always a good solution. Not only is this this rarely effective, it may even prove fodder for additional bullying. Your child wants to feel empowered and involved in the solution, so discuss options with him or her and work together to decide on a plan of action. (credit:Shutterstock)
DO: Be Patient(10 of11)
Open Image ModalYour child may be embarrassed or afraid to talk about what is happening to them. This is normal. Rather than pressuring your child into speaking before they are ready, just make it clear that you are willing to listen and be a source of support for them. Once they feel comfortable, they will know that they can open up to you and seek your advice. Better yet, if you've had this conversation preemptively, before a problem arises, your child will know right away that you can be their partner in finding a solution. (credit:Shutterstock)
DO: Find Resources Online(11 of11)
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