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How Parents Can Raise Kids That Recognize Racism

"When we don’t talk honestly with white children about racism, they become more likely to disbelieve or discount their peers."

In a recent op-ed published by The New York Times, mom Jennifer Harvey shared a story that all parents should pay attention to — even if it's a hard pill to swallow.

In the article, Harvey, who is white, talks about the importance of teaching your kids about racism and race relations — regardless of their ethnicity.

"Right now, then, it’s even more urgent that parents who rely on messages like 'we’re all equal' or 'we’re all the same underneath our skin' in the hope of teaching our children the values of inclusion, equality and difference significantly up our game," she wrote. "And let’s be frank, it’s parents of white children, like myself, who tend to rely on these sincere, but ineffective, strategies."

"The consequences are serious," she continued. "When we don’t talk honestly with white children about racism, they become more likely to disbelieve or discount their peers when they report experiencing racism. 'But we’re all equal' becomes a rote response that actually blocks white children from recognizing or taking seriously racism when they see it or hear about it."

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Many fellow parents seemed to agree with Harvey's argument, leaving notes of praise for her opinion piece in the comments.

"I want to thank the writer for being so honest," a reader named Jackie wrote.

"Parenting is a challenging task given that we parents worry about raising children who will have competitive advantages in a future world we can hardly fathom. Still, I'd rather raise a child who will thrive personally as well as understand how the world can work against her."

"I agree with everything in this article," another person said.

However, other parents were not exactly pleased with the piece, and questioned why a mother would burden her young child with the heavy topic of racism.

"When we don’t talk honestly with white children about racism, they become more likely to disbelieve or discount their peers when they report experiencing racism."

But regardless of which side of the argument you're on, at the end of the day, it's difficult to hide the fact that not all humans will be treated equally, and that eventually, race will play a factor — in some capacity — in our children's lives.

The author of Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? And Other Conversations About Race suggests parents should first and foremost be role models for their kids by making their homes into inclusive spaces.

"The best way to reduce children's prejudices is to model an inclusive home, demonstrating that you have friends of all backgrounds," she told the publication. "Parents who have learned to lead multicultural lives, connecting with people different from themselves, are more likely to have children who develop those important life skills at an early age."

Tatum also recommends looking for teachable moments when your child makes a reference to race, along with making the lesson appropriate for their age.

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Of course, all the teachings and terms when it comes to race can be confusing for kids, so one of the best approaches to take, especially when they're very young, is to simply teach them to see their peers as just human beings.

"If this isn’t proof that hate and prejudice is something that is taught, I don’t know what is," Jax's mom wrote on Facebook, as reported by Fox. "The only difference Jax sees in the two of them is their hair."

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17 Aboriginal Books For Children
Little You, by Richard Van Camp(01 of17)
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(Ages 3 and under)A short, poetic book for babies and toddlers. This story can be read, or sung, and depicts the bond between a young child and its parents.Get the book here: Little You (credit:Little You by Richard Van Camp (Orca Book Publishers))
The Moccasins, by Earl Einarson(02 of17)
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(Ages 3-5)"The Moccasins" is a story about a young Aboriginal foster child who receives a thoughtful gift from his foster mother. This positive tale depicts a loving home where the foster mother encourages the child to stay connected to his heritage.Get the book here: The Moccasins (credit:The Moccasins, by Earl Einarson (Theytus Books))
Nokum Is My Teacher, by David Bouchard(03 of17)
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(Ages 3-5)This poetic story is a series of questions posed by a young boy to his Nokum (grandmother) about the world beyond their reserve. Nokum encourages her grandson to experience a new world while still honouring the ways of his people.Get the book here: Nokum Is My Teacher (credit:Nokum Is My Teacher, by David Bouchard (Red Deer Press))
A Promise Is A Promise, by Michael Kusugak and Robert N. Munsch(04 of17)
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(Ages 4-7)This story is a collaboration between award-winning authors Michael Kusugak and Robert Munsch. "A Promise Is A Promise" tells the story of Allashua, a young girl from the Northwest Territories, who must escape the Qallupilluit after going fishing on the sea ice against her parents' will.Get the book here: A Promise Is A Promise (credit:A Promise Is A Promise, by Michael Kusugak and Robert N. Munsch (Annick Press))
Shi-shi-etko, by Nicola Campbell(05 of17)
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(Ages 4-8)Shi-shi-etko is about to leave home for her first year of residential school. She spends her remaining days gathering memories of home and teachings from her family to take with her.This award-winning title depicts the loss felt by families when they are separated because of residential schools.Get the book here: Shi-shi-etko (credit:Shi-shi-etko, by Nicola Campbell (Groundwood Books Ltd.))
Shin-chi's Canoe, by Nicola Campbell(06 of17)
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(Ages 4-8)The award-winning sequel to Shi-shi-etko tells the story of two children attending residential school. Shi-shi-etko is entering her second year at school, but this year her younger brother Shin-chi is joining her.Shin-chi encounters many hardships at school, including hunger and loneliness. In the end, the two children rejoice as they are reunited with their families. Get the book here: Shin-chi's Canoe (credit:Shin-chi's Canoe, by Nicola Campbell (Groundwood Books Ltd.))
Arctic Stories, by Michael Kusugak(07 of17)
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(Ages 4-8)A trio of stories set in the 1950s, inspired by true childhood experiences of author Michael Kusugak.Each story follows 10-year-old Agatha as she encounters flying blimps, ravens and Catholic school, where "The nuns did not make very good mothers and the priests, who were called fathers, did not make very good fathers."Get the book here: Arctic Stories (credit:Arctic Stories, by Michael Kusugak (Annick Press))
Kookum's Red Shoes, by Peter Eyvindson(08 of17)
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(Ages 4-8)An elderly Kookum (grandmother) remembers her experiences at residential school. She reminisces about what she lost and how goodness persisted.Get the book here: Kookum's Red Shoes (credit:Kookum's Red Shoes, by Peter Eyvindson (Pemmican Publications))
The Secret of Your Name, by David Bouchard(09 of17)
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(Ages 4-8)In this story, David Bouchard recounts the discovery of his Métis heritage. He had always believed he was of European descent, but recently discovered his true ancestry.Accompanied by a bilingual Michif translation, the book celebrates Métis language, art and music.Get the book here: The Secret of Your Name (credit:The Secret of Your Name, by David Bouchard (Red Deer Press))
How Raven Stole the Sun, by Maria Williams(10 of17)
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(Ages 6-8)In this retelling of a traditional Tlingit tale, the chief is keeping the Sun, Moon and Stars locked up, but the Raven finds away to bring light to the world. Get the book here: How Raven Stole the Sun (credit:How Raven Stole the Sun, by Maria Williams (Abbeville Publishing Group))
Fatty Legs: A True Story, by Christy Jordan-Fenton and Margaret Pokiak-Fenton(11 of17)
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(Ages 9-12)This story follows 8-year-old Margaret Pokiak while she attends residential school. She encounters the Raven, a cruel nun that strongly dislikes her plucky personality. Even after being humiliated by the nun, Margaret holds her ground and refuses to be intimidated. Get the book here: Fatty Legs (credit:Fatty Legs: A True Story, by Christy Jordan-Fenton and Margaret Pokiak-Fenton (Annick Press))
A Stranger at Home: A True Story, by Christy Jordan-Fenton and Margaret Pokiak-Fenton(12 of17)
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(Ages 9-12)Ten-year-old Margaret can't wait to return home from the residential school, but when she arrives, her mother doesn't recognize her. She has forgotten the language and stories of her people.This sequel to "Fatty Legs" follows Margaret as she relearns the ways of her people and reconnects with her culture.Get the book here: A Stranger at Home (credit:A Stranger at Home: A True Story, by Christy Jordan-Fenton and Margaret Pokiak-Fenton (Annick Press))
No Time to Say Goodbye: Children's Stories of Kuper Island Residential School, by Sylvia Olsen(13 of17)
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(Ages 9-12)"No Time To Say Goodbye" follows five children from Tsartlip First Nation in B.C. while they attend Kuper Island Residential School. The children are taken from their homes and forced to adjust to a world they don't understand. Get the book here: No Time to Say Goodbye (credit:No Time to Say Goodbye: Children's Stories of Kuper Island Residential School, by Sylvia Olsen (Sono Nis Press))
As Long as the Rivers Flow, by Larry Loyie(14 of17)
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(Ages 9-12)A first-person account of Larry Loyie's last summer in Alberta before being sent to residential school. He learns about patience and discipline, and has adventures with his family. Eventually, the "strange white men" come to take him away to school.The book also features photos of Loyie's own experience.Get the book here: As Long as the Rivers Flow (credit:As Long as the Rivers Flow, by Larry Loyie (Groundwood Books Ltd.))
My Name is Seepeetza, by Shirley Sterling(15 of17)
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(Ages 9-12)Seepeetza is sent to the Kamloops Indian Residential School at age six. At school, she encounters many hardships, but thoughts of home keep her going.Written in the form of a diary, this award-winning book provides an honest account of life in residential schools in the 1950s.Get the book here: My Name is Seepeetza (credit:My Name is Seepeetza, by Shirley Sterling (Groundwood Books Ltd.))
We Feel Good Out Here = Zhik gwaa'an, nakhwatthaiitat qwiinzii (The Land is Our Storybook) by Julie-Ann André and Mindy Willett(16 of17)
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(Ages 9-12)Julie-Ann André provides a firsthand account of her family's history and the story of her land which is an important part of who she is."The land has a story to tell, if you know how to listen. When I travel, the land tells me where my ancestors have been. It tells me where the animals have come and gone, and it tells me what the weather may be like tomorrow."Get the book here: We Feel Good Out Here (credit:We Feel Good Out Here = Zhik gwaa'an, nakhwatthaiitat qwiinzii (The Land is Our Storybook) by Julie-Ann André and Mindy Willett (Fifth House Publishers))
Jak’s Story, by Aaron Bell(17 of17)
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(Ages 12-15)Thirteen-year-old Jak Loren faces the same hardships as any typical teenage boy. When Jak tries to get away from a bully, he encounters Grandfather Rock near his home in Brantford, Ontario.Grandfather Rock teaches him about the history of his people, and he learns the importance of all living things.Get the book here: Jak’s Story (credit:Jak’s Story, by Aaron Bell (Dundurn))

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