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The 10 Worst Workout Songs As Tested By Our Music Journalist Fitness Instructor

Please Don't Workout To These Songs
Shutterstock / Everett Collection

There are two ways in which it makes sense to work as a music journalist and a fitness instructor at the same time:

1. The hours can sometimes compliment each other in the sense that you can teach once or twice a day and still have time (and money) with which to conduct interviews, write stories and attend shows;

2. Depending on the class, you are, to a certain extent, getting paid to exercise with other people, which is a great way to combat the relative excesses of the music industry and the general slovenliness of writing.

There are also two major ways in which these callings simply don’t mix at all:

1. The hours aren’t always so compatible, and you might (often) find yourself teaching a 7am class half hungover from a show and complementary beverages at The Sound Academy hours earlier. Or you might have to run and teach a Spinning class in the middle of an industry party (and return after to catch up on all of the complimentary drinks you missed during that hour and change);

2. Depending on the class, you might find yourself asked to put together a playlist stuffed with wretched and ill-advised dance mixes of songs that should never have dance mixes, like “Stairway to Heaven” and the theme from "Brokeback Mountain."

I learned to live with the former problem during my six years as a music journalist/fitness instructor, but the latter caused a burning pain in my soul worse than any build of lactic acid, and I rebelled against it every chance that I got.

For the most part, my idiosyncratic musical choices were tolerated by the people who took my Spinning, bootcamp, MMA and Cardio Hip Hop Groove classes. Occasionally, they were even celebrated. There were other times, however, where my efforts to bring more music geek-approved sounds to the fitness world were wholeheartedly – and sometimes angrily – rejected.

Here, according to my years of field research, are the ten worst workout songs ever.

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