As business owners, we’re always trying to influence others—to buy our product or service, to work or partner with us, or to take some other action we want them to take. The list seems endless sometimes.
But while it’s important to be able to influence others, the ability to take the right actions and exert personal influence on ourselves is just as critical—and often overlooked. Having strong personal influence skills will help drive your passion for what you do best at work and in life.
I recently interviewed a top influencer, Michael Bernoff. As the founder of the Human Communications Institute, Bernoff works directly with individuals and corporate executives who want to transform their corporate culture in ways that allow them to create more influence.
Here’s what he shared with me that every entrepreneur seeking greater success should know.
Bernoff points out that as we achieve greater success, we tend to put a box around ourselves that limit our development. “When you first get started as an entrepreneur, you’re willing to try and do anything. Then you get a bit of success—maybe a nice house and a family—and you become a victim of success by putting walls around you.”
Indeed, there are four walls that Bernoff says we all have to watch out for.
- Wall #1 represents not losing what you already have—that nice house and lovely family, for example.
- Wall #2 represents how you identify and connect with people.
- Wall #3 represents your perceived need to struggle—to be confronted throughout the day with obstacles to overcome.
- Wall #4 is our vision of our goal and what we want—and how we block ourselves off from those things.
To break down these barriers and continue to a higher level of success, Bernoff focuses on how he uses language to define and motivate himself, and others. Example: Most of us would say we want to make more money and grow our businesses, right? But in reality, that phrasing can block us from getting there. “If you say you want to make a lot more money, you’re admitting on some level that you don’t have enough money. And that, in turn, brings up insecurities and discomfort that your brain seeks to avoid.”
The solution: Stop thinking and speaking about all the additional growth and money you want—it puts your brain in the wrong place to make it happen. Instead, shift your focus--and how you communicate that focus--to asking this question: How can I help more people and add more value to people’s lives? This shift can actually rewire your brain in ways that help you overcome insecurities that hold you back and empower you to take the types of specific actions that will, in the end, help you grow your business and your revenue.
To focus all of his thoughts and actions in the most productive ways, Bernoff uses what he calls his “core four” words:
1. Commitment. That means being truly “all-in” with your business. Most of us possess plenty of commitment already, but if you don’t, you’re missing the foundation of your future success.
2. Congruency. Do you do what you say you’re going to do and “walk your talk?” If you’re not truly dedicated to doing what you say you’ll do—get in better shape, boost revenues by $500,000 this year, etc.—then don’t go on and on about your massive plans. It weakens your own ability to achieve, and diminishes you in others’ eyes when you don’t deliver on your big talk.
3. Confidence. More than ever, people want to work with somebody that actually believes what they're doing is going to make a huge difference. Having a quiet confidence presents you as you really are (not some act) and that tells people you are a true expert at helping them and makes a big impression.
4. Communication. Always be willing to examine the ways in which your communication with others can be improved—and not how their understanding of what you say is somehow flawed. “If your wife is mad at you, it’s probably not because she’s ‘crazy.’ It’s that you don’t know how to communicate effectively with her. Likewise, your clients aren’t buying because your leads are bad—it’s because you don’t communicate well enough with them.”
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