I have a good dad. Some of my best childhood memories involve him covering the walls of our dining room with paper so that I could practice writing, or sitting down with me to read books or do math problems. As I aged from toddler to school age, the memories shift to him coaching little league, jumping waves in the ocean, and waiting in long lines at Great Adventure.
In between all the play, he worked … hard. I remember my dad sometimes working three jobs. By day he taught special-ed in the Philadelphia School District, at night he taught classes at the local Penn State extension campus, and on weekends he managed my grandfather’s bar. He did all this so that he could provide as best he could for my family.
And I am grateful.
The White House Summit on Working Families shared the following statistics about the role of working dads in today’s workplace:
- In 63 percent of families with children, both parents work.
- 60 percent of dads in dual-earning couples report experiencing work-family conflict (as compared to only 47 percent of moms).
Following the White House’s lead, the Wall Street Journal (in an article entitled, “The Daddy Juggle: Work, Life, Family and Chaos”) asked the question, “Can working fathers have it all?” The answer may lie in whether employers can get past traditional stereotypes about the role of men as breadwinners and women as caregivers.
Working against men is a stigma that those who identify themselves as active fathers are unwilling to work hard or put the company first.
A 2013 paper from the University of Toronto’s Rotman School of Management found that colleagues regard active fathers as distracted and less dedicated to their work. At the same time, a Harvard researcher has shown that men with children earn higher salaries when their wives work less than full-time.
Taken together, the evidence suggests that men in traditional breadwinner roles are rewarded, either because of cultural assumptions or because they are able to put their jobs first, while men who act as caregivers are hurt for doing so.
I don’t think we dads necessarily want to “have it all”. Here’s what I do think:
- Dads want to be offered the same flexibility as women to balance their jobs and their work. Employers beware. Getting stuck in traditional mindsets by offering flexibility and balance to women, but not to men, is discriminatory and almost certainly illegal.
- With technology making communication and instant access more feasible than ever, there is little excuse for employers not to try offering flexibility to their workers (men and women). Today’s employee is tethered to his or her iPhone. Employers should take advantage of this access. Give your employees some rope. If mom or dad has to take a child to a doctor’s appointment, or wants to volunteer at school or coach a team, let them. They will still answer calls and return emails, because it’s their job to do so. And, if they don’t, then you have a performance issue, not a flexibility issue. We are all accessible around the clock. There is simply no excuse for an employer not to offer flexibility to all employees—men and women—whose jobs permit it.
So thank you, Dad, for all you’ve done for me, includng teaching me how to balance being an employee and a father. I hope I am providing the same gift to my children.