A lot of people think they are excellent daters; after all, more often than not, they are getting asked out on a second date. However, the real question is this: Are they getting asked out for that second date by the people they are really interested in? Or are they sabotaging their chances with “the one” without even realizing it?
Here are some questions you should ask yourself to determine if you are actually a good dater:
1. Are you a downer? I can’t tell you how many times I hear from people that they are turned off by bitter and negative people. If you feel the need to complain, just close your mouth and think it to yourself. Your date doesn’t want to hear it. Trust me.
2. Are you a gossip? I know that it’s fun when realize you know a host of people in common with your date. That connection makes you feel more at ease and makes you feel like you have known this person for longer than you actually have. However, resist the urge to immediately start gossiping about the people you know in common. You might wind up crossing the line here and offending the other person without your even knowing it.
3. Do you smile a lot? Smiling makes you seem light, fun and more youthful. If you always have a frown on your face, chances are your date isn’t going to want to see you again
4. Do you only order water? When you order water, it’s like saying to the person I am not interested enough in you to even order a beverage. I understand you might be thirsty for water, but at least order something else like a seltzer or a juice in addition to the glass of water. And even if you don’t drink, just order something other than water so the person feels like you want to be there with them.
5. Do you get comfortable too soon? I know that if you feel chemistry with someone, it’s nice to get comfy quickly, but sometimes the other person might get scared off by this. Keep in mind that your date doesn’t really know you and might not understand your brand of sarcasm, so it’s better to give them time to catch up and get to know you, rather than inadvertently scare them off by a joke that they didn’t find funny.
6. Do you only wear black? I know you think you look sexier and thinner in it but you also look harder, older and more severe and men generally don’t like this. It’s summertime, choose a flower print or pretty colored dress — you will seem younger, more feminine and fun and the men will be more attracted.
7. Do you bring up other people you are dating? I know that it is tempting to brag about how popular you are with the opposite sex in hopes that the person sitting at the table with you will want to get on your bandwagon. However, most of the time, people are not attracted to someone who has so much going on in their dating because they don’t want to have to compete. Also if you are dating too many people, it appears as if you just want to have fun and you are not serious about getting into a relationship. You are better off staying closed-mouthed when it comes to talking about what you are doing on other nights of the week and just acting confident and interesting on the date you are on.
8. Are you a hot mess? I don’t care if you were running late or if you lost your blackberry. You need to stop and take the time to make yourself look presentable. If you do not, it seems like you do not care what the other person thinks and this is not a good way of making a great first impression.
9. Are you glued to your phone? If you really absolutely need to pick up a call, then tell you date that in the beginning. You do not want him to think that you are answering a call because you are not interested in him. And with texts and emails, get up and go to the bathroom and look at them there. Keep in mind that as soon as you look at a text or starting typing in your date’s face, you are basically saying to your date that this other person is more interesting or more important to me than you are. Is this the first impression that you want to be giving to a potential love interest?
Samantha Daniels is a well-known Professional Matchmaker and Dating Expert as well as the founder of The Dating Lounge, the exclusive invitation-only iPhone dating app for upscale people looking for real relationships. The Dating Lounge app focuses on the initial attraction that two people have for each other on a date as well as a person’s deal-breakers and preferences when it comes to dating. This approach ensures that members will have a greater likelihood of long-lasting connections.
You can follow her on Twitter @Matchmakersd and IG: @samanthadanielsdatinglounge. For more information, go to www.SamanthaDaniels.info or www.thedatinglounge.net