For most kids, back-to-school is an exciting – but also stressful – time. If you have younger children, they may be worried about their first day of preschool or kindergarten, and the unknowns that lie ahead. If you have older kids, they may be worried about everything from their back-to-school wardrobe to school supplies to teachers. What if I have old Mrs. Connor for history? Will Melinda still be in my class? If they ask for two green folders, is it okay if one looks more turquoise than green?
Many of your children’s worries about starting or returning to school may seem superfluous to you, but they aren’t to them. A three-year-old entering preschool is experiencing a major milestone. A twelve-year-old who is convinced that showing up with the wrong color folder will cause them to fail seventh grade is experiencing heightened stress. As a parent, your job is to navigate these ups and downs. The good news is that there are at least a few ways to hack back-to-school – and the earlier you start preparing, the easier it will be.
Knowing and Setting Your Boundaries
It doesn’t matter how much we anticipate the future, there will always be new demands, new requirements, and bumps in the road. New teachers make new requests, kids out-grow clothes (it seems, sometimes overnight), and as your kids grow older, they have their own demands. The reality is that it doesn’t matter how much time you spend ordering all the school supplies on the list or replenishing your child’s wardrobe, something will be missing. As we race (often unwillingly) towards the fall, it is important to learn to focus on what is essential and recognize what doesn’t matter.
There will be many unexpected requests and new obstacles to work around. Ask yourself the following questions: What truly matters? Are there things I can do to be more flexible? And, what can I eliminate or simplify to have the bandwidth to adapt to surprises?
Power of Preparation
Preparing is always important, but seems to be even more so when facing something new and stressful. For example, if you order school supplies online in early August, you’ll be more likely to find all the supplies required in stock. Also, if something doesn’t show up, you’ll have ample time to find it later in the month. Finally, and most importantly, this preparation will save you from standing in line at a stationary mega-store for hours the night before school starts.
Get Clear on Outcome and Stay Flexible on the Approach
This reoccurring mantra of mine is particularly true as we reenter the school year. As you prepare your kids, you likely want to ensure they show up with the right school supplies and uniforms or wardrobes. But what if six different teachers each ask for 10 to 15 different types of school supplies and half of them specify not only the type of supply but also preferred brand? If you can’t order Mrs. A’s specific brand of fine-tipped black markers online, should you visit ten different stationary stores looking for the item? The decision is ultimately up to you, but staying clear on the outcome and flexible on the approach will certainly make the minutiae of such requests easier to tackle.
Nice-to-Haves Versus Need-to-Haves
Less is more, especially when it comes to getting kids back into the rhythm and rituals of the school year. If you are feeling overwhelmed, step back to reconsider what is essential. Before adding a task to your list or an event to your calendar, consider whether or not its essential. A haircut may be essential but a back-to-school pedicure and manicure for your middle schooler may not be. A few new items of clothing may be essential, while an entire new wardrobe may not. Of course, depending on the age of your child, dividing the nice-to-haves from need-to-haves may be more rather than less difficult to negotiate. If your children are older, carve out time to have a frank discussion about their needs and wants.
Kid Care Begins with Parent Care
Most seasoned parents have strategies to get kids back into the school rhythm. Maybe it is an annual list of “to dos” or a series of conversations to prepare for the upcoming changes. In order for the start up to run smoothly, however, parents also need to continue to take care of their own needs. Neglecting your own work, health, or downtime may seem like a great way to squeeze in a bit of extra shopping or a required meeting at the school, but in the end, neglecting your own needs will only heighten the season’s stress. Be realistic about how much back-to-school preparation you can take on. Also, automate tasks that can be automated (e.g., order supplies and clothes on line). Most importantly, while you’re taking care of your kids’ back-to-school anxieties, don’t neglect your own wellbeing.