I come from the school of Constructivist not Behaviorist parenting. No sticker charts. No gold stars. No allowance. You do what you're supposed to do for the intrinsic rewards. Clear boundaries. Clear rules. Logical consequences.
In second grade, my son angsted (that's a fine word for his big, fat, intractable, boulder-sized opposition) one day when I couldn't drive him to school, and I needed a fellow student's mom to do it. He cried. He moaned. He wailed. He refused. And then, I offered him a donut. What if Charlie's Mom got you a donut on the way? I was amazed at the power of the behavioral approach. He was like one of those cartoon kids who went from sobbing to a light-switch-change of buoyancy, laughter and light, more than happy to go along with it. Donut parenting 101 forever impacted me.
So when my son at age eleven found himself petrified to get a blood test -- he actually, literally, passed out when the allergist suggested we need do it -- I brought out the big guns on the way there. "What would make this feel so much better once you're all done?" I asked.
Battlefield 4 is rated M for "mature" -- seventeen and older. I've said no to that game, and every one like it, as long as he's asked for it. It's a military simulation game where they get to use machine guns, grenades, rifles, knives. Lord have mercy. Common Sense Media states flat out it's not for kids.
I read about it once more on my phone, do a high-speed Internal wrestle with it, and agree he can use it only when he's with his father by his side and without playing the multiplayer part with the volume up (I'm drawing the line at him hearing the unmonitored uncensored talk of strangers playing the game. We never allow that).
That completely satisfies him. He agrees. Just like the donut it has this bizarre calming effect, and he breathes his way through the blood test.
Soon after comes my own blood test, I guess, because my husband is out and my son wants me to keep him company so he can play the game.
And you know what? It was certainly awful. The blood splatters on the screen each time he gets killed. Big weapons. But it actually just felt like kind of stupid boy shoot 'em up shit to me. It didn't feel harmful -- didn't feel like it was going to turn my boy into a killer or a war monger. I wouldn't want him playing it hours on end, but I wasn't horrified.
Then it hits me. I can't believe adults play this game.
"Son," I declare, "I have a new rule. You may play this game now as a child (no multiplayer talk). But, I absolutely forbid you from playing this game as an adult."
He laughs appreciating the irony, I suppose.
I'm horrified though to think that adults want to play this game. Mothers, don't let your boys grow up to play military simulation games. Let them get it out of their systems while it's age appropriate. Let them serve their country if that's their will. But grown men and women playing this, is just, well, embarrassing for our nation. Get a life! Get a book! Get a lover! Do something, anything, other than pow, pow, bang, bang, gurgle, gurgle, got ya.
If kids used to play Cowboys and Indians and now they play Battlefield 4, so be it. Some adult supervision and common sense, and we're doing okay here. It's not like kids understand the true horrors these images represent yet. There's plenty of time for that to come.
Is it like porno? A secret and hidden vice that modern technology has allowed into bedrooms? Well, Debbie Does Dallas doesn't do me any favors and neither does my man riding a battleship.
No son of mine will be playing rated M games past his seventeenth birthday. Gracious no.
I think I passed my blood test. I think I'll go get me a donut.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.