I started getting relaxers when I was 15 years old, I think. I say 15 because I was heading into my freshman year of high school and NEEDED straight hair. So I thought!
For those who aren’t sure what a relaxer is, it is a creamy product that chemically alters and straightens kinky, curly hair. I so badly wanted my crazy thick hair to be straight and move like all of my white girlfriend’s hair. Well, my relaxed hair sure did that, but man do I remember my first one.
My mom took me to get it done and I was so excited to walk out with pretty, shiny black, straight hair. I walked out with that, but after tears and some pain. They don’t tell you that getting perms and relaxers can burn your scalp, especially if you scratch it prior to getting your hair done. I remember sitting in the chair crying and my head being on FIRE from the chemicals touching my sensitive scalp. The stylist couldn’t wash it out quick enough.
You would think that experience would have been enough to keep me from getting them anymore, right? I’m almost ashamed to say that it didn’t and my last relaxer was just in May of 2016. I spent 13 years getting my hair chemically straightened just so I could feel more confident and pretty. 13 years of my scalp burning, scabs and all after it was done. Just to have my hair look like what society deemed as beautiful.
If it weren’t for some health reasons, I honestly would probably still be getting them. In 2015, I found out that I have uterine fibroids. They are noncancerous tumors that grow on and around your uterine wall. I have three and they are pretty decent sizes. The exact cause of them is uncertain, but there have been many studies and links between the chemicals in relaxers being a factor to uterine fibroids developing.
I wasn’t surprised to find out that African American women are affected the most by them. We are also the ones getting our hair chemically straightened at crazy percentages and for many, many years.
If you know me, then you know I will WebMD and Google absolutely everything, especially when it comes to my health. My anxiety kicks into full gear and I can’t help myself. After doing a lot of reading and experiencing some physical pain and symptoms I knew that I needed to stop getting relaxers. Even if they weren’t the sole cause of my fibroids, I didn’t want to chance it anymore.
Whether it is magazines, commercials, movies, or any other form of entertainment, it is still heavily portrayed by media that straight hair is the ideal look for ALL women. Curly hair is starting to work its way as “standard of beauty” as well. The idea that in order to be a professional woman and work in corporate America straight hair is the way to go is absurd. Especially for women who don’t have naturally straight hair.
After years of getting my hair straightened I forgot what my natural hair even looked like. It wasn’t until recently that I washed it and instead of being bone straight, my head was full of little curls. I panicked and honestly didn’t even know what to do with it.
While I haven’t gotten a relaxer in over a year, I do still get my hair straightened. Thank goodness my stylist is fantastic with a hot comb and flat iron to help me tame it. It is the look I am used to having and still feel most comfortable with.
Going natural is a term I’m sure many of you have heard or seen on social media, and it really is a great liberating thing. Whether you do the big chop or let your chemically straightened hair grow out I commend you because it is not easy.
One of my biggest frustrations with going natural is that the minute I sweat from working out my hair will frizz up and be thick. That alone has made me question whether or not I should get a relaxer again. I know it is a struggle for many women who have natural hair and like to work out. So hats off to all of you that still keep pushing forward!
Over the last year, I have been working really hard to embrace all of my quirks, uniqueness, and finding myself. For so long, I truly think I’ve been trying to fit in and embrace things that aren’t true to myself. There has never been a time that I was not proud to be a black woman, but let me tell ya. During the last year, I am SO PROUD that I am one. Growing up I would be told that I was pretty for a black or dark girl. I would get picked on because of the way I talked. I would get laughed at because when my hair wasn’t straightened it wouldn’t move like those around me. I would have comments made about my full lips, and a lot more. All of these things left me extremely self-conscious and insecure. For years I wished I had smaller lips and a lighter complexion. I would avoid the sun so I wouldn’t get darker and I wouldn’t wear lipstick so I wouldn’t draw attention to my mouth. I would stay fairly quiet so I wouldn’t be told I “talked like a white girl and wasn’t black enough”. I would get relaxers so that my hair would move in the wind and I could flip it all over the place.
I am FINALLY to a point where I embrace my dark skin and lay in the sun in the summer because my skin glows and I like the way it looks. I wear a pretty bold lipstick when I go out and it makes me feel pretty. I talk all of the time because I have a lot to say and want to share it. I stopped getting relaxers and just did my first natural twist out(see pic below) and am embracing the natural curls on top of my head. Does that mean I won’t straighten my hair anymore? Absolutely not, I have an appointment next week, but I will no longer chemically alter my hair. I will embrace my curls and all of the fun things I can do with this crazy thick hair of mine. Does it mean that all of my insecurities are gone? Ha, not at all!
I am at a point in my life where I am living for myself because I want to be happy and love who I am. I want to be a positive role model for little girls, especially little girls of color who think they have to be a certain way to stand out and make a difference in the world. I want to be a role model for the girls going through those awkward teenage years and feels the most insecure. I want to be a role model for the 20 somethings who have no idea what they are doing in life.
We all know that saying that ‘”comparison is the thief of joy” and I 100% agree.
I encourage all of you to embrace your natural! You never know who is looking up to you and who you are inspiring.
As a lovely friend of mine told me “Change always feels uncomfortable but I think you will start to appreciate it.”- Lauren Collins everyone!!
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