Although San Diego, my home for the past 13 years, will never have the change of seasons that my hometown of New Jersey has, I can't help but feel that the holidays are upon us with the slight chill in the air. I'm ready to break out the pine scented candles and unbox the ornaments!
However, I recall what the holidays felt like that first year after my marriage ended. The neighbors banded together to help me with a Christmas Tree incident (apparently one is not supposed to shove it through the back windows of a sedan to transport it home.) I had expected to feel lonely and broken at this time when family, and especially romantic relationships, are so celebrated. But I didn't. Instead I found that my community rushed in to fill the void I had been fearing.
The rituals, the holiday nesting, the family events looked and felt very different once alone. But, a new found freedom suddenly joined the party--there were prospects of new parties, new communities and the ultimate freedom--bonding with my female friends. I suddenly found myself in groups without any pretense (I was more than once welcomed to the proverbial ‘singles club’).
My very first holiday parties among my peers will always be remembered. We gals were louder and funnier and more honest then I had ever recalled. We high-fived at our own embarrassing dating attempts and cackled at how the dating scene had completely changed. We explored one another's dating profiles (while encouraging each other to take risks). We commiserated over the hard parts of course, but we were all thrilled at how many more wonderful parts there were.
There was also a feeling of empowerment in the cool air. There was no one to answer to or debate with over anything holiday-related (You want to decorate the house in peacock lights? OK!). I felt as though in a bubble of healing; a warm, loving place without any need to include those that negatively affect it. I was enjoying incredible closeness with my children: My daughter, newborn son and I were huddled in a cave that the rest of the world was not allowed in. There was an immense gratitude that so many of us newly singled enjoyed, about how strong we felt getting through the storms with both feet on the ground.
If you're newly on your own this holiday season, I hope you find the community, the joy and strength that I did that first year. After all, as Thoreau said, "I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.”
Rena Cohen-First is a CEO and Co-Founder of Husband in a Box, a Subscription Box whose aim is to amuse and entertain women who are sick of the dating scene through gifts and interactive satirical experiences. She is also a VP of Sales who has sold in the Food Ingredient Industry for the past 18 years, selling to the largest food and beverage manufacturers in the world. She is the author of The Authentic Sale, A Goddesses Guide to Business. She has taught online business and leadership classes as an adjunct instructor, studied Professional and Executive Coaching, completed her MBA and Served in the US Army. She resides in San Diego with her two children and husband.