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Why do we get stuck and unable to reach our goals? It's frustrating when we feel like we're doing all we can and life just doesn't go our way. I struggled for a long time before I came to the realization that what was really holding me back was me.
Yes, sometimes things happen that are out of our control. We are affected by fate, the choices of others, and even decisions made for us. But the truth of success is that our behavior and choices determine what we can do and who we become--not our circumstances.
We can't change the world, but we can change ourselves. We can't allow life to blow us about, we have to take control, work with focus and direction, and achieve the life we want. We do that by looking in to find what is truly holding us back.
Here are steps to help you take control and overcome personal roadblocks:
1. Take Responsibility
You have to start taking responsibility for everything. You can't play the victim and blame failures or mistakes on fate, your partner, your boss, co-workers, etc. You have to own your feelings and actions. If you get angry, it's your choice. If you make a mistake, accept it.
You choose how to act and react to the world. Don't complain and make up stories or excuses for why you don't have what you want, go and act. Accept that you control the story of your life and start writing it.
2. Stop Blaming
When you blame everyone and everything else, you allow them to control your life. Blaming keeps you stuck, it keeps you in denial about whose fault it really is, and it makes you unable to move forward. You control you, not anyone or anything else.
As much as I wanted to blame my psychiatrist for not being able to help me, my parents for my difficult upbringing, my teachers for not being competent enough, etc... I knew that I would stop feeling helpless and become powerful once I took charge of my life. Make new choices today to find the answers and the path that will link where you are to where you want to be.
3. Be Honest
You have to be honest with yourself and practice introspection. When things go wrong, evaluate your part in it. What did you wrong? What could you do differently? Do my thoughts and actions match what I want for myself?
When your actions are not aligned with your intentions you remain stuck in failure and denial. The goal is to become aware of what is keeping you stuck and change those things. Don't seek answers outside of yourself. Use honesty to learn from your choices and experiences. Remember, we can't change what we are not aware of so let's bring it to our awareness.
4. Make Positive Changes
One definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. If you aren't where you want to be, stop and take a look at what you are doing. Are you spending your energy and resources on the wrong things? Are you overextending yourself? If something fails, make changes to create a better outcome next time.
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Don't get overwhelmed by the many steps that it takes to reach your goal. Set small goals and know that you are a work in progress. If you focus on one step at the time, you will get closer to your bigger goals. Don't give up if you fail, and don't stop because of set-backs. Be flexible, know that those things may come, and keep changing and moving forward.
Sometimes we are the ones in our own way. Sometimes we can't see our own mistakes or our own potential, but we can learn to do it and create the future we want for ourselves. Someone once said, "I am my most powerful tool and I will use me wisely". As you take control of your life, you will stop holding yourself back and get on the path to achieving your goals and dreams. For more emotional intelligence tips visit www.bossofmyfeelings.com