There are times I think back to how I reacted in some situations that were not true to myself. Small interactions that nobody remembers, yet they pave the way to the dynamics of the relationship, to the bigger interactions where it was even harder to be authentic. Things I would do to keep the anxiety of my discomfort low to none. Most of us recognize it as our comfort zone, the nice and familiar place where we feel safe, where we won’t be judged or blamed. Pleasing others at the price of being honest and loyal to yourself.
We get complacent with a certain dynamics that at the time of the interaction felt ‘less awkward’ than being honest but later on realize that it was just momentary. The feelings that circuit through our body is only 90 Seconds. For that period of time the emotions we feel are powerful. Enough to go back on our boundaries, enough to sacrifice our authenticity, to give in for the sake of avoiding discomfort.
Learning to process those emotions whilst holding to our self and decisions has been one the harder lessons of life. It doesn’t change overnight, or one interaction. It takes practice to understand and allow myself the chance to make decisions independent of the emotional waves coursing through my body at that moment. In other words getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. Whether it be with a group of strangers, or members of the family, in laws, even friends. Any interaction that gives you anxiety, that you worry of how it will be perceived, and especially the ones you know will have to keep are the ones you will notice are the most challenging.
There will be hurt feelings, misunderstandings and just all the things you were trying to avoid in the first place. Sometimes others will even feel threatened, unsure of how the relationship will unfold in light of you trying to be more authentic. Some will find inspiration and even be relieved that they are not the only ones who want to be more genuine.
There’s always risk involved when you put your true self forward. But its even more painful when you build a veneer of in-authenticity around yourself, in your relationships, and interactions. Its exhausting, burdensome, and in the end causes much more discomfort that that short discomfort that you decided to avoid. In the end these growing pains will smooth over to more fulfilling relationships, where we are authentic and genuine. Now that’s a trade off worth striving for.
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