Hi America. You’re on our news here all the time now and you don’t seem very happy, and since we’ve been great mates for so long, I thought I’d check in. We’re small fry down here in the land of sunshine and oranges, we know that, but we’ve always tried to do our bit alongside you. You’ve been the big guy for as long as anyone can remember and we love you for that. When you ask us to send our troops into battle beside you, we do, even when we think better of it. That’s what mates do. We’ve bought up your cool products and smile through your media styles (and thank you for that ‘mute’ button BTW). We’ve followed Brad and Jen and Brad and Ange and like you, moved on to Miley and whatever (like, Kanye?). Our kids even watch basketball. That’s what mates do, take the good with the bad. So, it doesn’t seem like a big deal when some of our young are adding zees where we’ve never seen them before and dropping the ‘u’ from our honoured diphthongs. This bromance of ours, it’s been serious for a long time. We know Croc Dundee and the Hemsworth lads are precious little to offer in return.
And since I’ve mentioned the zees and diphthongs (who knew it had two h’s?!), there is another word of yours which hasn’t quite been taken up in Oz. It’s ‘trash’. A great brash American word, that. We still follow the Brits by using rubbish. We can do garbage, but mostly we take out the rubbish. But you take out the trash with that wide-mouthed aaaa sound that we just can’t do very well. Love it. Don’t get me wrong. We have the word trash. We do share the English lexicon after all. But here it’s used more as a verb. Dogs might trash the new veggie patch or maybe the kids trashed the tent after a wild weekend of camping. You know, we use it like destroyed.
And here’s the thing. Please don’t be offended. We are mates. We really are. And sometimes mates just have to be honest, though they never want to be hurtful. That guy in your beautiful White House at the moment? It’s not really working. Sorry to say. We’re all very sorry to say, but it’s kinda obvious. So, can we do one more bit of bromantic cooperation before everyone everywhere is too upset to remember who their friends are? Would it be too much to ask if you could take out the trash before the whole place is trashed? Please? We all make mistakes but sometimes it takes a mate to say it. And come see us when you can. Big Luv.