Highlights from the "Vice Presidential Iraq Study Group Report"

(Hot on the heels of the Baker-Hamilton Iraq Study Group report comes one hastily commissioned by Vice President Dick Cheney. It contains 80 recommendations. Here are a few of them.)

1. The situation is great and getting better. Stay the course. Ignore the naysayers, they're the same bunch who made us leave Vietnam too early. And Korea.

4. Take all the time necessary to weed out the dead-enders and malcontents who choose to oppose the Iraqi peoples' brave march towards democracy. And use aggressive interrogation techniques if you have to. A little dunk never hurt anybody.

9. Don't talk to Iran.

10. Don't talk to Syria

11. Don't talk to Nancy Pelosi.

27. Any help large American corporations can provide -- Halliburton comes to mind -- should be welcomed, and richly rewarded.

38. Reappoint Donald Rumsfeld as Secretary of Defense.

47. Kick Senator Leahy in the nuts.

62. Redouble effort to find weapons of mass destruction. They must be there!

71. Follow up on a rumor that bin Laden's hiding out in Baghdad. Check all spider holes.

74. Did we mention Halliburton?

80. Keep up the good work!