Several months after I have begun working with Lori Ann Davis who is one of the professionals on the show called Radical Dating: Finding Love Over 40, I have experienced all sorts of revelations and re-soul-utions. By now, I had imagined I would be passionately in love with the One. After all, she is a kick ass coach and I am a powerful manna-faster. Instead, I have experienced a few intense whirlwind lovers, who remain friends, since for various reasons, we were not a good fit for long term partnership, but maintain a loving connection. There were a couple of first dates that never morphed into second dates and one experience of being stood up twice by the same person who just this week, messaged me from the dating website, informing me that he thought I needed “a good smack on my bare ass.” Whoa, baby. Not my lifestyle choice to begin with and even if it was, (says this woman who refers to herself as ‘vanilla with rainbow sprinkles,’ ) it certainly wouldn’t be with a stranger and instead, someone with whom there was a level of trust and intimacy. In addition, there were some contacts from men on the same website who thought we would be a good match, but when I messaged back, they didn’t follow up with a response. All of them continue to provide practice and sharpening of my focus.
The most recent was someone who seemed promising at our initial conversations and first date. It was when, by in conversation about a second date, that things started getting rather squirrely. As I attempted to confirm a convenient time, he not only danced around it, but lumped me in with the other women he had recently dated who ‘offered nothing,’ and expected him to pursue them. When I called him on it, diplomatically, he apologized for taking his frustration out on me and acknowleged that he wished others were as openly and appropriately communicative of feelings and needs. I then shared that in the midst of a crazy-busy schedule, it was important to take play time. That I had learned the hard way after the heart attack which he was aware of. His response was that if he wanted my opinion, he would ask for it. Another holy shift moment as I decided at that moment not to respond. Instead, I turned to my male and female peeps for guidance about the lesson embedded in this experience.
What came to them and to me was that I was raising my standards, not settling for less, not accepting any disrespect. I was honoring myself. I was the lightning rod for ‘mis-directed angry rant,’ according to one friend and that he was ‘semi-misogynistic,’ according to another. They pointed out the obvious that the red flags were waving wildly and it was wise for me to take note and run, not walk, in the other direction. My male friends were protective and nurturing, shaking their heads at his missed opportunity. Relieved that it all transpired within a matter of a day or so and that I am investing no more time on that experience, except to acknowledge it as ‘lesson learned,’ and to offer it you, dear reader, so that if someone who presents like that, shows up in your life, you may have an idea about how to handle it.
A few weeks ago, my son married the love of his life. It was a magnificent day. When they set the date, I put out a call to the universe to bring a partner who would attend the wedding with me. As the day approached, I felt dismay that someone had not shown up who would fill that role. I could have invited a friend, but instead chose to focus my attention on my family, the lovely couple and the friends who were there to celebrate with us. I felt, immersed in love soup the entire time and missed nothing.
In my most recent session with Lori Ann, she suggested that I hold the vision of what kind of relationship I want. She used the example of a line in which people wait to get into a concert. Somewhere in that line, or nearby if not there yet, stands my partner. He moves up, inching his way forward. He may be in a relationship now that is ending. He may have his own healing to do, but he is approaching, as I do the next right thing to bring us closer together. Lori Ann asked me also to surrender control of the ‘where and when’ he is to show up, invoking feminine receptivity, even while taking the action steps and choosing him as he chooses me.
A few weeks ago, I had a stye in my left eye, that was not only ‘unsightly,’ but made my eye tired and blocked my ocular vision. I think that it was also an indication of my own unwillingness to see my way clear to having what I want. My vision is now succint and I am in surrender mode, trusting that our paths will cross not a moment sooner or later than they are meant to.