From the time I can remember, I have always had anxiety.
My parents were both high achievers, my Dad was a University Professor for 40 years with a Doctorate degree, and my mother was a Teacher with a PH.D. They taught my sister and I to always strive to be our best, work hard and that education and culture are very important.
I have always been proud of my parents, but I underestimated how easy their success came to them. From the outside looking in, it looked simple. When I got out into the real World, I realized that it was as far from easy as can be.
When I was young, I moved 5 times in 5 years changing continents and schools.
From a US kid going to a school in England, to a Protestant student going to a Catholic school and from a Burnout to a Preppy. It seemed as though I was always fighting for a place at the table that came with respect and self-worth.
The side effects of never fitting in and always fighting to be seen, heard and accepted is self-sabotage.
I never realized it until all these years later when I found it hard to stay in a job.
It would start out great, and then I would lose focus, start thinking about greener pastures and my work would suffer.
This happened because whenever I got comfortable in one place, the rug would be pulled out from under me.
I would lose everything I had worked so hard for – friends, security, and acceptance and be moved into a place I knew all too well. A place of starting from scratch, no one to talk too, which led to shame and not feeling worthy.
It’s funny how experiences that happen to us when we are kids, follow us into our adult life.
Below are some ways you may be self-sabotaging including:
- An inability to STAY focused
- Thinking that the grass is greener somewhere else or with someone different
- Mentally moving on from where you currently are – effectively checking out
- Knowing there is more for you, but unsure how to get it
- Fighting yourself internally for respect
- Taking jobs that you KNEW were below your true abilities – less money, less responsibility, less growth (But your internal brain subconsciously says “When things go to hell, and they will go to hell, it won’t be that bad because it’s not where I’m truly supposed to be, so why not?!”)
If any of the above has happened to you, this is what you crave:
- Respect
- Worthiness (Believing that you ARE good enough and you DO have special gifts to give to the World)
- Your uniqueness counts and is appreciated
- A place for you to use your talents to grow and flourish, a place to call home and be included
So how do you get from a place of unworthiness and shame, to KNOWING you CAN and ARE doing great work?
Here are 3 steps to help end the self-sabotage:
1. STAY CONNECTED & FOCUSED ON YOUR CURRRENT TASK – This will take constant scrutiny on your part. Whenever you find yourself drifting and thinking about other places that would theoretically work better for you – STOP! You are where you need to be at this moment. It may not feel comfortable or easy, but there is a reason and lesson in why you are where you are today.
ProTip: Begin working on projects in short spurts of time. If your project is taking more than one or two hours, block out your working time to 45 minute increments. Give yourself a break and go take a walk or get a drink, anything to move your body. This will allow you to refocus and begin again with renewed interest.
2. RAISE YOUR VIBRATION BY BEING GRATEFUL - Being grateful is the fastest way to gain alignment and raise your vibration. It may sound “woo-woo”, but trust me on this one, it’s not.
When you are grateful for everything you have – what you eat, where you live, your family and spouse, this will change how you feel about yourself and expand and raise your vibration. It will make you humble and appreciative which then changes you’re thought patterns to one of GIVING instead of GETTING.
This appreciation helps you re-focus on your tasks and allows you to bring your best work forward.
3. PICTURE YOURSELF BEING WORTHY & SAY POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS – Many of us suffer from not feeling worthy about the work that we do and what we have in life. This will lead you to feel undeserving and start a downward spiral of you wanting to get rid of everything, all because you feel you don’t measure up.
Remember this is subconscious and always playing in the back of your mind.
To stop this pattern, you need to recognize that it is subconscious and then put a different, positive picture in place of the one where you feel undeserving.
Exercise: Picture yourself at your most successful, most creative and very strong. Think about how your gifts can help others and bring them joy, enlightenment and happiness. Then think about how good you are as a person and how you are deserving of these gifts to help others.
Say to yourself “I am deserving and worthy of these gifts and talents because I use them to change others and make the world a better place”. Saying affirmations is a practice you should begin to use many times in a day.
You are getting rid of old thoughts and habits that no longer serve you and replacing them with a bigger, better picture. Saying affirmations out loud is 100 times more powerful than keeping them in your head. It may sound funny at first, but keep going until you believe it.
Your mind is very strong and your words are powerful. Saying positive words about yourself will change how you perceive what you can do and expand your power.
Remember – you are a powerful being. Put good thoughts and images in your mind of not what you can get, but what you can give. This makes all the difference and puts a positive spin on your intent which is one of goodwill and the Universe will reciprocate.