You've reached the time in your life you dreamed of when your kids were young. You are ALONE!
You envisioned the time that would be available to you to do the things you wanted to do with your life - with the kids gone there'd be SO much time and opportunity....or so you thought.
There’d be time to travel, fix the house, meet people for coffee, redirect all the energy and time you’ve been using to raise a family and run a household into fulfilling all your whims. All your unfulfilled dreams.
But time ticks on and before you know it - you are (what you used to consider to be) "old" and for some reason you can’t figure - you feel you are not entitled to be yourself anymore.
People no longer look at you the same, not much is expected of you any more. It’s enough that you are still breathing and not interfering in your kids lives.
It’s enough that you do your job but don’t let on that you know shitloads more.
There's a job to be done and after a lifetime of providing for your family, being efficient at work, nursing and caring, giving and sharing - all of a sudden you are not needed any more. The kids have left the building, the marriage has changed or left entirely, the needs of others are no longer dependant on you. You have several decades left to live... So....what are you going to do?
THIS is the big question - now that you are free to do what you want .....and answerable to no one. What an amazing opportunity!
And how often do I see this opportunity wasted!
I was 47 when I realised that if I didn’t change something in my life and do something drastic then everything would stay along the same old same old - safe and normal...not much happening, same friends, same place, same house repairs and same work.
My kids had almost all left - my youngest was 14 and I’d already seen what 15yr old boys get up to (personal experience having see the other 5 go through it- yep...6 sons) so I decided to bite the bullet, take a leap of faith and grow into the woman I wanted to be and not the woman I would become by staying.
I sold the house and took my youngest travelling overseas for several months.
Not having any idea where this decision would take me, it was a long shot and one I’m still enjoying the repercussions of.
Before I left my home I was:
- a Mum first and foremost
- Not living up to my abilities
- Limited by small town politics
- Struggling to take an interest in my life and maintain the family home
- Feeling very isolated
- Bored easily
- Giving up on my dreams
This is a debilitating situation and one many women go through after divorce - after the kids leave - after work no longer has that kick of passion. The big questions is how to fix it?
This is a guideline of how I did it:
- Stop! Stop everything you are doing. Don’t re evaluate, don’t make any plans, don’t ask others for their advice, don’t change anything. Simply stop.
- Relax into that nothingness, that place of no one expecting anything from you. That place where YOU don’t expect anything from you! Embrace the perfection of who you are.
- Practice finding that place inside that sings to you. That place that lights your fire and makes your soul glow. I’m sure you’ve felt it at times - but pushed it down - thinking “no time for that shit - things to do.... “ This is not airy fairy, not some new age stuff - this is REAL - Your life is real!!
- Once you find that place that makes your body shiver in happiness - relax once again. Don’t make any plans - you are on the right path.
- Go to work, eat, cook, walk the dog.... do the things you normally do and wait.....maintaining that feeling of amazingness. That feeling that is YOU and you an always come back to it.
- Things will fall apart before they rebuild - be prepared and know that it’s ok. To be a new person with a new life something else has to go - it’s just common sense...it’s maths. Let it go and know that you will survive and soon enough accept what you thought was ‘really scary’ as normal.
- Maintain your values and sense of self. BE who you are.
- There are no rules - the way your life unfolds is totally and completely different to mine and everyone else's. The decisions you make and the path you find yourself on is constantly intersecting with others, but no one stays on the same path forever.
- You are not the victim here. This is life and this is how it rolls. Accept where you are, blame no one, don’t even blame yourself. If you find yourself saying “oh, it’s all my fault, I should have blah blah blah...” just shutup! Stop and don’t even think it. You are not to blame...it just is the way it is.
- Start to assess your boundaries. They will be new, you’ll be covering new ground in your life. This is starting to be exciting!
Life will now start to unfold around you. You created a void, a space by changing your thoughts and actions - something has to inhabit that void. Nothing very cosmic here, just simple common sense. This is where your personal guidance comes in.
What would you like to do, who would you like to meet and where would you like to go.
Your new job in your life is not to just accept your fate but to put yourself in the path (remember they do intersect at times) of those people and that situation....make it real.
Get out there and swing that power, those choices and that joy!!
Be the original YOU - the one who has been sitting there for years blubbering and blaming and thinking you can't do that.
This is YOUR TIME - OWN IT!
This article was previously published on www.BeInspiredLiving.com.
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