In a few short weeks my big girl will start Pre-K. I’m excited for her to have new experiences, meet new friends and learn new things, but I’m really not ready for her to start school. Up until this point she has been at home with me. Sure, she’s taken dance classes and swim lessons, but I’m always right there watching her. Going to school is different. She’ll be on her own. I have to trust that her teacher will take care of her, and although I know that it won’t be the same way that I would take care of her, I have to be OK with that.
This is much harder than I thought it would be. I’m not ready for her to grow up and be out there on her own, but the only choice I have is to accept it. I feel like I blinked and 4.5 years went by. She went from this tiny helpless being, to an independent, smart, hilarious, sweet girl.
““I have to trust that she will be OK. Because she will be OK.””
Being a stay-at-home mom, I have been blessed to be her teacher up until this point. I’ve been able to guide her every step of the way. Now I have to trust that the foundation I’ve built will stay with her as she is taken under the wing of a new teacher. I have to trust that she will be OK. Because she will be OK.
Seeing her so excited to start school makes me happy. She is eager to learn and loves making new friends. But honestly, my heart hurts. She’s not a baby anymore and doesn’t need me as much as she once did. Is this the turning point where she goes from loving me more than she ever will to “bye Mom ― see ya when I see ya”? Because really, I’m not ready for that!
As a parent are you really ever ready to let your child go? To let them grow up and experience things without you? These past few days all I’ve been able to think about is where did the past 4 years go, and did I do enough? I stayed home to be with my girls for a reason. Did I fulfill what I set out to do? Did I cherish every moment? Probably not. There have been many tough moments. Was I too hard on her at times? Was I a good enough mom?
““While she is excited, I am terrified. Terrified that I will lose my baby.””
While she is excited, I am terrified. Terrified that I will lose my baby. That with these new experiences her innocence will start to diminish. I know that it’s a part of life, but it came up too darn fast. I felt like I had all the time in the world before we got to this point. Now all of a sudden it’s here, and I wish I had a little more time.
I’m not ready to let go, but I know I need to in order for her to be successful. She has her whole life ahead of her, and this is just the beginning stages of me having to learn to “let go.” There are many different difficult stages of parenting, but for me, this is one of the hardest.
The unknown is scary. Life is all about evolving, growing, and learning. I have to accept that she is ready to do all of those things without me. As sad as I feel, I also feel proud. Proud that she is bound and determined to take the next step. She is ready and she shows me that every day.
As much as I hate knowing that these next few weeks will be the end of our time, I have solace knowing that it is the beginning of her time. And I know she’s going to rock it!