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Is Our Children Learning about Bumper Angels?

FACT: People avoid motor vehicle accidents every day. Why? We don't always know. Could it be... the Bumper Angels?
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The crux of the debate surrounding Intelligent Design is that some people in our country believe it to be an explanation for the universe and human existence, therefore it should be included in the curriculum of our nation's public schools alongside the study of evolution.

On the scientifically accepted side (evolution), our kids learn that species are perpetually evolving based on mutation and natural selection, and that human beings share common ancestors with modern primates. On the other hand, our kids will be taught that an invisible omniscient being (or a space alien) is somehow guiding the process of the universe.

So my question is this: if we're going to include such curriculum in schools simply because it's the belief of a certain segment of our population, shouldn't we, by rights, include the following topic?

Is our children learning... about the Bumper Angels?

How many Americans believe that their cars are protected by angels who live on their bumpers? Answer: I don't know, but it's a lot.

Here's a compelling account from Marge Meyers of St. Louis, Missouri:

"On my way to work yesterday, I glanced in my rear view mirror at a stop sign. I saw a car coming up fast behind me...too fast! I said, "Angels, Please, apply this guys brakes. NOW!" . . . I braced myself for a possible impact, and lo and behold the guy managed to stop inches from my bumper . . . but for MY Angels, he'd have crashed into my car."

Explain that away, you so-called "scientists". Marge was about to totally get creamed by that car and the Bumper Angels saved her!

So here's a proposal which I'll be forwarding to various Christian lobbyists as well as Senator Santorum, Senator Frist, Senator McCain, and, of course, President Bush. (If you would like to start an online petition to forward to the White House and Senate, please do. I will post the link here.)

High school driver's education classes include motor vehicle safety instructions of all kinds: seat belts, defensive driving techniques, covering the break through intersections, the obligatory blood-soaked drunk driving film. But isn't it also important to teach our nation's high school students about the increasingly popular belief that angels are grappled onto car bumpers and somehow emit force fields (known as "Cherubic Repulsor Arrays") which sometimes prevent accidents from happening?

It makes sense.

FACT: People avoid motor vehicle accidents every day. Why? We don't always know. Could it be... the Bumper Angels?

There are theories as to how someone like Marge Meyers might've avoided that accident, such as the Theory of Brakes, the Theory of Reflexes, and the Theory of Enough Room To Stop, but were any of them proven by scientists? Were leading experts in the field of physics and automotive engineering out there gathering evidence that Bumper Angels DIDN'T stop that car from rear-ending Meyers? My research (guessing) says no. Therefor, we can only conclude that Bumper Angels had something to do with it.

Public support is out there. While no polling agencies have run numbers to illustrate advocacy for teaching Bumper Angels in driver's education, a Google search on the words "bumper angels" yielded a staggering 277,000 results. However, it's worth noting that two theories divide the Angelic Vehicular Intervention community. Some believe that God himself saves them from accidents, while others believe that the angels are right there chilling out on the front and rear bumpers. Either way, this supports the overall notion that some sort of spiritual force has the ability to prevent accidents from occurring.

Whichever theory you subscribe to, we should all agree that it's time to give our nation's children a well-rounded view of motor vehicle safety. Seat belts, air bags, not driving while drunk or asleep... all important to know. But so are Bumper Angels. Shouldn't all points of view regarding motor vehicle safety be represented in our schools?

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