If you’ve ever wondered if your child is over sensitive, or too sensitive, they likely are showing signs (note, not symptoms!) of being “highly sensitive”: something I’m convinced, is a superpower, when nurtured properly.
The idea of being sensitive is one casually thrown about; but research in neuroscience and psychology is increasingly providing with evidence to suggest that to be “highly sensitive” is a point of genetic difference.
Dr Aron has referred to the highly sensitive child as one of the “20% of children born with a nervous system that is highly aware and quick to react to everything.” These children and teens, and of course, later young adults, react to sensory stimulation both more intensely and faster than their peers- including lights, sounds, smells, temperature, but also mood and the sensitivity of others.
How is it a gift?
The impact of this can be a gift. The highly sensitive child/teen often shows intellectual prowess, creative giftedness and empathy which is years beyond their age in maturity. On the flip side, such intense perceptive ability can lead to a greater tendency to experience overwhelm by changes in circumstance, new situations, demanding situations, others’ distress, crowds and excessive sensory stimulation. What may seem like exhausting levels of empathy, is also not uncommon: others’ distress will be felt intensely by the highly sensitive child.
Many of the children and teenagers I have worked with, who have shown some giftedness in at least one area of life, have also exhibited signs of being highly sensitive: our challenge has been to unleash being highly sensitive as a superpower, and empowering them with a mental toolkit which will support them in using their insight and creativity as a propeller forwards.
How I unleash sensitivity as a superpower…
The process is complex and individual for each young person I work with, however, the same foundations will always apply.
1. Sensitivity is a gift
Sensitivity can be hard work for both the young person, and their parents/teachers. I make a point of making sure all involved in the student’s development know and understand that sensitivity, when nurtured properly, is a gift.
“…it is primarily parenting that decides whether the expression of sensitivity will be an advantage or a source of anxiety.”
2. Focus on strengths
I make it a point to identify a student’s gifts, and supporting the adults around them to identify the strengths in their behaviour (which may not always be “easy” to manage or navigate), and guide them on how to magnify these.
3. Partnering versus hardcore discipline
This will happen differently for children and teens of different ages, but in short, it means learning how to support parents and teachers in being partners who provide structure and boundaries, rather than authoritarian, to the highly sensitive child, and as such being able to support them in nurturing their strengths, rather than triggering their sensitivities creating traumatic episodes.
4. Finding calm
Highly sensitive children and teens are especially in need of a mental safe space. Constructing this can produce wonders, and empowers a young person with a mental tool kit to deconstruct, decompress and relax themselves, when that’s what they need.
5. Resilience training
For long term success, grittiness and resilience, are the most powerful indicators of a student’s likelihood of achieving their goals. Highly sensitive children and teens are often gifted, but also most at risk of floundering if exposed to the wrong environment, without having had their muscles for resilience flexed. I’ll look to consider how we can develop an enhanced sense of resilience and strength of character, such that in the situations which may trigger an anxiety response, that a young person is more able to take care of their own mindset.
Conclusions
Being highly sensitive is not a problem to be solved nor something to be pathologised and cured. It’s almost impossible to not feel what you feel, and even more so, when you’re one of the 20% who feel emotions ultra deeply.
The key thing to remember is that, when nurtured carefully and properly, highly sensitive children and teens grow up to be the worlds most creative, innovative and high achieving adults: just what the world is hungry for.
To schedule to talk to me, or someone from my team about your child or teen, call our team at 0207 206 2674 (London) or 1 646 527 7337 (New York) or email me at natasha@elevarelondon.com
