Early on a cool, breezy, tropical morning, in the wee hours, my husband Mac and I were in bed sound asleep. We were awakened by the excited buzzing, attacks on body parts and the frenetic activity of a battery of mosquitoes, out for blood.
I do not know if there is a collective word for lots of mosquitoes together, but I have just named them a battery. And why not? Lions have prides. Cows have herds. Sheep have flocks. Geese have gaggles. Monkeys have troops. Alligators have congregations. Cheetahs have coalitions. Why can’t mosquitoes have a battery? Hmmn, and would the plural then be batterys or should that be batteries? This matter is a little more complicated than I had thought.
The word battery conveys annoyance, aggression, violence and the need for defensive measures and maneuvers. So I think a battery is entirely appropriate for a collection of mosquitoes, set on causing injury and harm and forcibly taking your blood from you during the “wee” hours of the day.
Just before publication, I learnt (thanks to my friend, the linguist, Sonia Marville-Carter) that the collective name for mosquitoes in a group is a scourge; a scourge of mosquitoes. I think that is wonderfully well suited to mosquitoes. One single mosquito is a scourge when it is tormenting you, furthermore when it is accompanied by allies. I still like a battery of mosquitoes though, just saying stubbornly.
The mosquitoes caused us much annoyance as we dived under the covers trying to defend and protect ourselves. What should we do for further defensive mechanisms? I do not like to spray with pesticide. I prefer to rub on citronella oil, which I think has a nice lemony smell and keeps the mosquitoes at bay, although it does sometimes need reapplication during the night.
Mac does not like citronella. When the mosquitoes become unbearable, he prefers pure neem oil, which, to me, smells like a truck-load of rotting onions and garlic. I hate it! He ignores the smell; he says it lets him sleep and it keeps the mosquitoes away. Of course it works well. Who is voluntarily going anywhere near that odor? Not the mosquitoes and certainly not me. That oil is just a little too effective for me.
We were forced to give this round to the pesky, persistent mosquitoes. Mac could not get back to sleep, but he spared me the neem. I wanted to sleep having only been in bed for 3 hours, so out came the citronella and up came the covers. I settled back down, only to find that a couple mosquitoes had come under the covers with me and were breaking out their heavy artillery. Between the buzzing and the biting, I was tortured by these tiny terrorists.
As I listened to and tried to fight off the mosquitoes, it struck me that every marriage has its mosquitoes. Persistent problems, attitudes, habits in ourselves or in our partners, problematic relatives, children going their own way, interloping outsiders, financial difficulties, illnesses, frustrating foibles, that cause challenge, annoyance, depression or disturbance of the rhythm of the marriage, the nights, or the days of our lives. The mosquitoes do not always come alone; sometimes they bring their friends, relatives and neighbors. They come in a battery. They constitute themselves into a scourge.
The marriage mosquitoes in all their forms, challenge us to find ways of avoiding them, strategizing against them, or working together to counterattack them. The marriage mosquitoes compel us to mount our own defenses or assaults in order ignore, circumvent, manage, defeat, kill off, or find ways to live with the difficulties. The marriage mosquitoes, in their many forms, collude to pressure us to get out of the bed or the relationship, to give up and declare victory for the mosquitoes. When we defeat them, we celebrate, while the marriage mosquitoes are shamed and silenced.
Unfortunately though, the marriage mosquitoes will attack again. So always have your pesticides, neem or citronella on hand. The neem and the citronella are those things or people who may be helpful or have a role, but could also represent those issues, habits, behaviors, practices or people that we might like, but that we have to give up, bring to end, compromise on, or do without, in order to ensure the confidence, comfort, wellbeing and security of our partners and ultimately of the relationship.
When in a serious relationship and a battery, or scourge of mosquitoes come at you, you just have to find a way to say – “Come mosquitoes, I am equipped with citronella, neem, pesticides, repellants, electronic plug-ins, patience, the ability to ignore or avoid you, the hide of a rhinoceros and the will to kill you.
Come. I’m here. Do your worst. I intend to win. I WILL WIN.”
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