It's not that I fell for the scam.
I knew it was a scam and I knew that we were being played. It's just that there was so much more excitement, energy, and even the hint of some kind of win or redemption within the scam. The alternative was far less appealing.
Because the alternative -- not playing along with the scam -- was going to put me face-to-face with something I couldn't bear to think about.
So, in between trying to live a normal life this weekend, I went along with the scam. I hooted and hollered about the flag, and football, and kneeling versus standing. I weighed in on the heroes and the villains and I speculated, along with everyone else, about how the scam would affect Trump's standing within the presidency and among his deplorable base. I learned the names of a few famous athletes, a handful of commissioners and owners, and, as some took to their knees and some stood in solidarity with the knee-benders, I breathlessly followed the myriad details of the scam unfold.
Even now, as a faint misty light begins to rise over the stark reality of a Monday morning, all I want to do is to immerse myself in the scam again. I’m finding it impossible to contemplate taking myself out of scam mode.
And it's no wonder.
The war of nuclear words that our demon of an unhinged president is waging with that other demon of a deranged leader on the Korean Peninsula is reckless to the point of complete and utter extinction.
How infinitely easier it is to argue the merits of free speech, to debate the finer points of law, and to focus on the symbolism of our flag and what constitutes the proper reverence for it than it is to face what's really going on. My mind clamps down at the thought of what Trump’s wild, brash pronouncements could mean for all of us. How can I even contemplate it?
Though hugely imperfect, this is the only world we have and I've grown rather attached to it.
And so I go to safer territory, even if it is a scam.
A place where nuclear weapons are not playthings in the hands of ego-driven, intemperate leaders.
A place where the worst that happens is that a president says not nice things about very nice people on a silly thing called Twitter.
A place where debates continue and tempers flare and people take sides and scream and yell at each other -- and it's all ok because at least there is an intact world in which all this is taking place.
I go back to the scam because the scam is so much easier to tolerate than the thing the scam is trying to disguise. I play along because I don't want to hear nuclear words coming out of the mouths of insane men who have the power to take my life, my children's lives and, literally, the life of this planet.
I go back to the scam because within the scam there is still life and the promise of life.
So...
Kneeling or standing?
Whichever you prefer, it sure beats lying prostrate and inert.
In radioactive waste.
Atop a poisoned, obliterated planet that can no longer support anything.
Not even a scam.