A few years ago, I was introduced to a guy. I didn’t like him. Not all that unusual, but due to some extenuating circumstances, I would have no choice but to see him again and again. Each time my initial read was confirmed; he was like Google, if Google were always wrong... never hesitant to talk about himself, but always reluctant to reach for a check. Apparently, ‘thank you’ was never introduced into his vocabulary.
Other people I know have spent some time with him too, each of them eventually reaching the same conclusion. Surprisingly though, many were quick to defend him, attributing his socially unacceptable behavior to his cultural upbringing. I found this justification troubling... having spent enough time with enough people with the same background to know that alone doesn’t make you an asshole.
When talking about this with a friend recently, I recalled a situation with a couple of my college baseball teammates. Something trivial happened during a heated game of Halo and one of the guys snapped, calling the other a dirty n*****. He disregarded multiple chances to take it back, or offer an apology, choosing instead to double down. The second time resulted in a full beer bottle to the head, leaving him bleeding and unconscious in the parking lot.
At the hospital, even after whatever medications they gave him for the pain, he looked me in the eye, more certain than anyone ever had before, and said, “I’m going n***** hunting.”
A few hours later his parents showed up. They told me he comes from a small town, where most people look like him. And, at a party a couple of years before, a black guy attempted to rape his sister... their daughter. He beat the guy into a coma and was charged with assault. Subsequently, he lost his college baseball scholarship, while the would-be rapist walked away scot free.
It was unclear why they were trying to justify their son’s behavior, or what that had to do with this. Did a horrible and traumatic experience suddenly make him believe every young black man was a rapist, or, just make it it acceptable to treat each as such? I didn’t know and couldn’t relate.
But we all do it, it’s how we’re programmed. The law of small numbers, or judgement bias, occurs when it’s assumed that the characteristics of a sample population can be estimated from a small number of observations or data points. Our limited, and often most recent, experiences shape our world view. Then, when people and situations fail to meet our expectations - expectations formed by our interactions with entirely different people and situations - we rationalize our perception rather than accept the reality.
Used to be I thought all Mexicans were housekeepers or all housekeepers were Mexican, because a Mexican woman showed up every couple of weeks and started cleaning. Then I turned six and learned better.
I don’t know what the answer is... other than generalizations are dangerous. Maybe we consider letting each person and every situation stand on its own. See what’s actually there, rather than whatever fits our narrative.
We can do better. Check out Michael Lewis’ The Undoing Project.