Sessions: “Aren’t We All A Little Racist?”

Sessions: “Aren’t We All A Little Racist?”
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I sat down with with Senator Jeff Sessions ahead of his confirmation as attorney general. Sessions has come under fire for alleged racist comments and a spotty civil rights record.

PA: Thank you for joining me, senator.

JS: What’s your name?

PA: Pablo.

JS: What’s that? Mexican?

PA: It’s Spanish.

JS: But from Mexico, right?

PA: I’m not sure I understand that question. My family’s from Spain.

JS: But you were born in Mexico…?

PA: I was born in New Jersey.

JS: Raised in Mexico?

PA: I’ve never been to Mexico.

JS: Not even on spring break?

PA: No, I went to the Bahamas.

JS: You should go down there. Check it out. It’s really nice.

PA: Are you trying to get me to go down there so that I get trapped behind the wall?

JS: What wall? I don’t know anything about a wall. *coughs*

PA: The wall President Trump intends to construct along our southern border.

JS: Oh, right, that wall. Totally forgot about that. No, I just think you should visit Mexico. The Mexican people are great when they’re down there.

PA: You do know I’m an American citizen, right?

JS: Sure, now you are.

PA: I was born in Hoboken, New Jersey, in the same hospital Frank Sinatra was born.

JS: You have a green card?

PA: No, I’m an American citizen.

JS: When were you naturalized? ‘86?

PA: I was born AND raised in the United States. I don’t even speak Spanish that well.

JS: But your English is so good.

PA: That makes no sense.

JS: Maybe, but I’ve got the votes.

PA: Senator, are you racist?

JS: Aren’t we all a little racist?

PA: No.

JS: Define *air quotes* racism.

PA: Believing one race of people is inherently superior to another race of people.

JS: I mean, under that broad definition, sure, I’m racist.

PA: Don’t you think that’s a problem?

JS: No, no, you misunderstand. I rarely say blatantly racist things out loud. I just think them to myself. Hard.

PA: How do you feel about Senator Warren excoriating your record?

JS: That time of the month, amiright?

PA: Senator, are you sexist?

JS: Define *air quotes* sexism.

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