I recently completed (and passed) my candidacy review. At SCAD that means that I reached the mid-way point of my degree and had to present work I've done to a committee. They then decided if I could continue on with my degree. I was a nervous wreck going into it. Getting this degree has changed my life so much and I wouldn't know what to do if I couldn't pass go and collect my $200. When I left that room I felt excited not only to have passed but because I left with valuable information I didn't expect to get. One of my professors said, "You say you just stumble into these moments of success, but I don't think so. I think you know exactly what you're doing."
At first I thought it was funny. I felt like Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean. No one knew if I had a plan or knew what I was doing and I didn't know which it was either. But it opened up my mind to all that I'd been doing like a mental door to Narnia. I realized that I was having little bouts of success here and there. I depreciated the value of how well I'd done with certain things while it was happening. I didn't appreciate my accomplishments. Instead, I left them in the past like a forgotten tumble weed of memories. That professor's comment helped me to realize that I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't pick one moment and decide that point of effort would be what got me somewhere. I just kept trying and it paid off little by little.
Now I'm back to that. I'm back to realizing that even though it doesn't always seem like anything is happening it takes a miles worth of effort to get an inch of success. I have to continue to purposefully stumble into it.
I want to write so every day I try editing another story and writing at the very least some ideas for this blog. I apply to various jobs and work on my personal website. I don't know what else to do so I keep doing a lot of everything I know that could positively serve my career and my future in some way. I stumble around with different things in hopes that I can find success each time. I suppose sometimes it's important to realize when you already have it because of how hard you try.