In Family Court two parents go before a judge. Rulings are made and court orders are filed. Decisions are factored into the daily living activities and, just like that, family dynamics change. A common theme is one parent leaves. Or, both parents move to separate places altering the routine for everyone. Regardless of the court orders, family life is different. For everyone. Children, especially may find the transitioning process difficult.
Statistics regarding how divorce impacts the child are readily available. We know how many children will engage in drinking, drugging, sexing and delinquent behavior. We know, how many children of divorce may face their own family court matter as an adult. Due to advancements in technology we know parental conflict may alter brain development. In essence, we know a lot about the ramifications of divorce for the child.
An undeniable aspect of divorce/separation is the parent-child relationship. With the dreadful number of high conflict cases we need to address the fact a child may have no contact with one parent following separation and/or initial court orders. How the child functions post divorce is certainly an important topic. Seemingly, there is an obvious element missing in assessing the parent-child relationship.
How does the parent experience separation from their child?
Previous survey results from Three words to describe Family Court indicate an unfavorable view of the Family Court system. Why are parents negatively rating the Family Court system? More specifically, how do court orders impact a parent? What happens to the parent-child relationship in the midst of working within the guidelines of court orders?
Survey, www.RateMYFamilyCourt.com, assesses the parental experience in the Family Court system. Two questions pointedly dignify the parent-child relationship.
Question # 3: “What 3 words describe the relationship with your child/children ‘BEFORE’ the divorce filing?” and,
Question # 4: What 3 words describe the relationship with your child/children ‘AFTER’ the divorce filing.”
This is how parents who have taken the survey answer these questions.
The following statistics represent results through July 7, 2017.
Total participants: 240 for survey. 10 did not answer either question. Statistics reflect responses from 230 parents.
TOP 3 words
Top responses for ‘BEFORE’ and ‘AFTER’ are Love/Loving albeit to a lesser degree. Notice how the second top words are direct opposites.
BEFORE
LOVE/LOVING 45.2%
CLOSE 24.3%
HAPPY 9.1%
~
AFTER
LOVE/LOVING 14.8%
DISTANT 13.4%
ALIENATED 10.9%
Responses are categorized as follows:
Percentage reflects CHANGE in the relationship with their child ‘BEFORE’ the divorce filing as compared to ‘AFTER’ the divorce filing:
1.7% categorized as UNABLE TO RATE (n=4). Answered either question #3 or question #4.
9.6% indicated NO CHANGE in the relationship (n=22)
2.6% indicated an IMPROVED CHANGE in the relationship (n=6)
6.1% indicated a SLIGHT CHANGE (n=14)
80% indicated a NEGATIVE CHANGE in the relationship (n=184)
Unable to Rate, 1.7% (n=4) (Not included in statistics).
BEFORE~AFTER
Amazing. ~ *
Perfect. Caring. Great. ~ *
Loving. Caring. Happy. ~ *
*~ Other parent has alienated child from birth.
No Change, 9.6 % (n=22)
BEFORE~AFTER
Excellent. ~ Excellent.
Child was newborn. ~ Child still newborn.
Fantastic. ~ Fantastic.
Love. Happy. Content. ~ Satisfied. Content. Love.
Love. Happy. Certain. ~ Love. Happy. Determined.
Close. Loving. Consistent. ~ Close. Loving. Consistent.
Not allowed to see him. ~ Not allowed to see him. (negative)
Loving. Nurturing. Healthy. ~ Loving. Nurturing. Healthy.
Excellent. Close. Loving. ~ Excellent. Close. Loving.
Loving. Supportive. Intense. ~ Loving. Supportive. Intense.
Loving and protective. ~ Loving and protective.
Close. Affectionate. Playful. ~ Close. Affectionate. Playful.
Strong. Close. Loving. ~ Strong. Close. Loving.
Great relationship. Never married. ~ Great relationship. Never married
Loving. Close. Happy. ~ Loving. Close. Happy.
Excellent. Loving Nurturing. ~ Excellent. Loving. Nurturing.
Blessed. Loving. Caring. ~ Blessed. Loving. Caring.
Happy. Attached. Bonded. ~ Happy. Attached. Bonded.
Great. ~ Still great.
Unborn. ~ Beautiful. Healthy. Shared.
Strong. Close bond. ~ Strong. Close bond.
Close. Loving. Important. ~ Close. Loving. Important.
Improved Change, 2.6% (n=6)
BEFORE~AFTER
Counter Parenting. Contaminated. ~ Healing. Rational. Healthy.
Domestic violence. Loving. ~ No domestic violence.
Did not. ~ Fantastic.
Great. ~ Great.Sole legal/physical. Mom supervised visits.
Close. ~ Much closer.
Mother. Loving. Nurturing. ~ Primary. Closer. Teacher.
Slight Negative Change, 6.1% (n=14)
BEFORE~AFTER
Close. Tiring. Loving. ~ Close. Loving. Worried.
Strong. Loving. Perfect. ~ Strong. Loving. Restricted
Superlative. ~ Well-bonded. Strained.
Calm. Strong. Close. ~ Strong. Close. Less time.
Great. ~ Restrained but good.
Was mama’s girl. ~ Something is missing.
Warm. Open. Trusting. ~ Cool. Untrusting. Questioning.
SAHM. Full time parent. ~ Close.
Loving. Attentive. Fun. ~ Careful.
Twins just born. No Custody. ~ Fight for time. Close. Loving.
Loving. Grateful. Gentle. ~ Loving. Affectionate. Timed.
Primary parent. ~ Shuffled about.
Very good relationship. ~ Still love them.
LOVING. BEAUTIFUL. STRONG. ~ LOVING. BEAUTIFUL. STRAINED.
Negative Change, 80% (n=184)
BEFORE~AFTER
Devoted. Primary caregiver. ~ Alienated. Devastated mother.
Always there. Involved. ~ Alienated. Prohibited involvement.
Excellent. Primary caregiver. ~Manipulated by father.
Loving. Independent. Adventurous. ~Anxious. Emotional. Depressed.
Close. Loving. Together. ~Non-existent.
Loving. Close Involved. ~ Taken. Torn. Hurt.
Great. Supportive. Loving. ~ Distant. Loving. Tearful.
Loving. Happy. Warm. ~ Alienated. Sad. Barely existent.
Close. Loving. Stern. ~Strained. Longing. Relaxed.
Strong. ~ None.
Amazing. Close. Christian. ~ Alienated. Distant. Fearful.
Emotional mess. No direction. Changes. ~ Broke. Destroyed. Tainted.
Very close. ~ Strained.
My whole world. ~ Mother won't allow.
Loving. Supportive. Fun. ~ Erased. Disrespect. Emotionally-desensitized.
It was great. ~ They miss me.
Very bonded w/ son. Daily care of him. ~Full custody 4 years. 50/50. Now 1/month.
Best buddies. She was only normal person in the house. ~Non-existent. Vitriolic. Hateful.
Typical. Loving. Affectionate. ~Volatile. Non-existent. Hate-filled.
Wonderful. Protective. Loving. ~Confusing. Cps involvement.
Amazing. Wonderful. Inspiring. ~Distant. Inhibited. Detached.
Happy. Joy. Love. ~Confusion. Regression. Sad.
Good. ~ Not enough time.
Primary caregiver. Bonded. ~ Broken. Hurt. Pain.
Great. ~ Frustrating.
Excellent. Loving. Responsible. ~Loving. Fearful. Concerned.
Loving and close. ~Distance.
Happy. Loving. Caring. ~Absent. Guarded. Unemotional.
Bonded. Supportive. Encouraging. ~Nil contact.
Loving. Caring. Available. ~ Loving. Alienated. Distant.
Happy. Creative. Together. ~ Distant. Emotional. Sad.
Close. Affectionate. Loving. ~ Distant. Lies. Cold.
Stressed but ok. ~Disconnected. None.
Loving. Caring. Wonderful. ~ Scary. Vulnerable. Sad.
My whole world. ~ Hostile. Terrorizing. Shattered.
Principle caregiver. ~ Alienated. Locked out.
Excellent. Loving. Wonderful. ~ No relationship exists.
Great. ~None.
Great. ~ Difficult.
Excellent. ~ Alienation.
Happier days. We were close. ~Uncaring. Alienated. Nonexistent.
Wonderful. Healthy. ~ Son loves me, is anxious, confused, has PTSD.
Not born. Sparse. ~ Sporadic. One-sided.
Loving. Active. Fun. ~Restricted. Heartbreaking. Loving.
Relaxed. Playful. Spirited. ~ Constrained. Regimented. Marginalized.
Close. Loving. Protective.~ Distant. Alienated. Traumatized.
Loving responsible parent. ~Barely allowed contact.
EXCELLENT! Provider/caregiver. ~ Judge granted 62 hours 2x per month.
Abusive relationship. ~Alienated. Long-distance. Absent.
Great. ~ Hard
Good. Fun. Upbeat. ~ Strained. Confusing. Non-existent.
Main caregiver. Disciplinarian ~ Estranged with 1. Fun w/younger 2.
Loving. Close. Communicating. ~ Ghost mother. Longing. Aching.
Strained last 6 months. ~ Distant. Separated. Dysfunctional.
Loving. Consistent. Mutual. ~ Hostile. Blaming. Non-existent.
Brilliant. Lots of fun. ~ No contact.
Close. & Loving. ~ Distant and broken.
Loving. Interaction. Safe. ~ Distant. Strangers. Lies.
Best. Thing. Ever. ~ No visitation. None.
Unconditional love. Security. Incredible. ~ Ruined. Alienated. Minimal.
Excellent. ~ Damaged.
Primary Caregiver. ~ No care at all.
Very loving. ~ No Communication.
Dad's little girl. ~ Alienated. Alienated. Alienated.
Normal. Fun. Structured. ~Chaotic. Aloof. Devastating.
Amazing. Loving. Complete. ~ Emotional. Distant. No relationship.
Loving. Normal. Confusion. ~ Confused. Alienated. Lost.
Strong. Loving. Nurturing. ~ Distant. Cold. Non-existing.
Primary caregiver/8 mth old. ~ Non custodian parent. Three days. Emotional.
It was great. ~ Mother took her away.
Perfect. ~ Have not seen in a year.
Great. Loving. Close. ~ Alienation. Anger. Resentment.
Primary. Loving. Caretaker. ~ Abused. Alienated. Isolated.
Loving. Close. Not divorced. ~ Distant. Cold. Still not divorced.
Primary care taker. ~ Not enough time.
LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. ~ FEAR. SKEPTICISM. GRIEF.
Loving. Supportive. Bonded. ~ Tepid. Needy. Painful.
She was pregnant. ~ None. She denied all visitation.
Loving and Protective. ~ Loving and Protective.
Happy. Loving. Playful. ~ Non-existent. Strained. Impossible.
Very close. Loving. ~ Estranged and conflictual.
Good. Supportive. Caring. ~ Distant. Cold. Silent.
Loving. On-going. Close. ~ Episodic. Long-distance. Severed.
Wonderful. Close. Trusting. ~ Stronger. Reliant. Helpless.
Unborn. Pregnant. Unknown. ~ Tenuous. Stressful. Needy.
Non-existent. Distant. Scarce. ~ Non-existent. Distant. Scarce.
Loving. Caring. Wonderful. ~ Strained. Withheld. None.
Daily. Great. Love. ~ Distant. Short. By phone.
Controlled. Manipulative. Unstable. ~ Controlled. Manipulative. Unstable.
Close. Loving. Important. ~ Non-existent.
Primary. Joy. Custodian. ~ Nothing. Yearning. Cage.
Short lived. Stressful. Non-Existent. ~ Non-existent. Long-distance. Depriving.
Impossible to please. ~ Even worse now.
Involved Happy. Extensive. ~ Non-existent. Rule-bound. Awkward.
Loving. Involved. Family. ~ Loving. Disconnect. Conflicted.
Perfect. Loving. Fun. ~ Unknown. Distant. Miserable.
Close. Loving. Good. ~ Absent. Stressful. Loving.
Loving. Engaged. Enjoyable. ~ Strained. Resentful. Angry.
Good. Main-caregiver. ~ Alienated. No Contact.
Difficult. Stressful. Unstable. ~ Withheld. Limited. Unrealistic.
Close. Trusting. Happy. ~ Distant. Anxiety. Scared.
Limited. ~ Severely limited. Arrested.
Happy. Fun-loving. Content. ~ Unhappy. Lost. Sad
Close. Engaged. Participatory. ~ Withdrawn. Pawns. Estranged.
Loving. Close. Fun. ~ Distant. Anxious. Strained.
Excellent. ~ Disaster.
Close. Loving. Supportive. ~ Loving. Strained. Detached.
Very close.~ A near disaster.
Loving. Close. Fun. ~ Distant. Anxious. Strained.
Close. Continuing. Happy. ~ Sporadic. Apathetic. Distant.
Good. ~ Never saw them.
Close relationship. Involved. ~ Never seen children in past 20 years.
GREAT.AWSOME. LOVING. ~ NON-EXISTENT. AWESOME. LOVING.
Good. ~ Damaged.
Warm. Loving. Connected. ~ Loving. Distance. Absence.
Very good. ~ Not good.
It was great. ~ Very stressful. Hurtful.
Great. ~ Does NOT exist.
Loving and caring. ~ Poor.
Close. Loving. Understanding. ~ Lost. Difficult. Sorrow-ridden
Daily. Loving. Joyful. ~ Alienated. Fearful. Isolated.
Great relationship will all children. ~ Complete estrangement from 2 children.
Connected. Strong. Tightknit. ~ Broken. Unstable. One-sided.
Amazing. Loving. Safe. ~ Fearful. Heartbroken. Destroyed.
Wonderful. Rewarding. Plentiful. ~ Limited. Hard. Challenging.
Main care-giver. ~ Non-custodial parent.
Mother. Close. Loving. ~ Sad. Scared. Threatened.
Full time parent. ~ 6 days per month.
Close. Loving. Devoted. ~ Denigrated. Limited. Conflicted.
Natural. Loving environment. ~ Walking on eggshells.
Close. Daily. Mutual. ~ Distant. Biweekly. Controlled.
Close. Caregiver/attachment figure. ~ Still close. Traumatized living w/abusive dad.
Loving. Snuggly. Close. ~ Alienated. Sad. Long-distance.
Trusting. Loving. Pure. ~ Non-existent. Empty. Sadness.
Bonded. Loving. Pure love. ~ Child: Confused. Concerned. Afraid to bond.
Loving. Respectful. Trustworthy. ~ Distant. Lack of love & disrespect.
Close. Happy. Loving. ~ Dysfunctional. Alienated. Unhappy.
New. Excellent. Loving. ~ Does not really exist.
Loving. Involved. Together. ~ Injured. Difficult. Infrequent.
Loving. Trusting. Respectful. ~ On-guard. Standoffish. Awkward.
Close. Loving. Happy. ~ Distant. Separated. Difficult.
Great. Loving. Close. ~ Alienated. Frustrating. Distant.
Close. Normal. Inseparable. ~ Alienated. Distant. Lost.
Very involved. ~ Not able to.
Happy. Frequent. Family. ~ Not enough time.
Happy. Nurturing. Natural. ~ Rocky. Disaster. Violent.
Involved. Loving. Existed. ~ Non-existent. Extortion. Costly.
Awesome. Loving. Happy. ~ Sparse. Limited. Stressful.
Inseparable. Loving. Nurturing. ~ Distant. Estranged. Non-existent.
Close. Protective. Loving. ~ I miss her.
Inseparable. Loving. Supportive. ~ Separated. Sad. Fear.
Healthy. Loving. Trustworthy. ~ Damaged. Distant. Angry.
Close. Happy. Loving. ~ Estranged. Angry. Untruthful.
Everyday caregiver. Happy. ~ Visitor. Unhappy. Frustrated.
Close. Positive. Fun. ~ Alienated.
Fun. Frequent. Learning. ~ Fun. Infrequent. Emotional.
Daily interaction. ~ Bi-weekly. Weekend visits.
Child born after break-up. ~ Only what court provides.
Great. Constant. Loving. ~ Distant. Hard. Sad.
My son was unborn when I filed. ~ Only see 8 hrs/week.
Loving. Trusting. Open. ~ Distrusting. Angry. Manipulating.
Very good times. ~ No contact/visitation.
Rewarding. Joyful. Fun. ~ Stressful. Strained. Anxious.
Domestic violence. Abuse. ~ Stalking. Falsifying. Disrespect.
Love. Laughter. Enjoyable. ~ Don’t have any.
Mr. Mom. Close. ~ Distant. Untrusted. Alienated.
Love. Trust. Joy. ~ Devastation. Illness. Abduction.
Loving. Committed. Involved. ~ Limited. Disintegrating. Painful.
Close. Daily contact. ~ Bi-weekly weekend visits.
Fun. Energetic. Close. ~ Difficult. Unhealthy. Gone.
Loving. Patient. Involved. ~ Loving. Distant. Alienated.
She was 5 months old. ~ There was not one.
Great. Fun. Loving. ~ Missing time and fun. Frustrating.
Happy. Bonding. Nurturing. ~ Missing time and fun. Frustrating.
Close. Respectful. Fun. ~ Fatherless. Money-grabber. Uncontrol.
This is the Family Court system experience for parents who have taken this survey.
What three words would you use to describe the relationship with your child ‘BEFORE’ and ‘AFTER’ your divorce?
Go to: RateMYFamilyCourt.com
JOIN FB Group page: Rate MY FAMILY COURT and read all results. Updated results will post weekly.
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References:
1. Rate MY Family Court survey: Survey Monkey. Created by Ruth A. S. Nichols, M.A., M.A., CFLE,p
2. Survey at: Rate MY Family Court 15 questions www.surveymonkey.com/r/RateMYFamilyCourt-15questions
3. Rate MY Family Court Results: Three Words to Describe Family Court. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/5964660ae4b0911162fc2ea8
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Moderator at ParentSpeak
Shared Parenting Confessional
Rate MY Family Court Results: Three Words to Describe Family Court. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/5964660ae4b0911162fc2ea8