Tired of non-stop political rhetoric from both sides of the political spectrum? Saddened by hatred spewed from all sides of social media by people who think they’re helping others ‘see the light’ when they’re really helping people see their darkness? I have the solution to finding some middle ground. A new political party that everyone can agree on-DOUGHNUTS. ‘That’s nuts!’ you say?...Yes it is, it’s Dough-Nuts! How is it possible for a something as simple as a circle of fried, glazed dough unite the country? DOUGHHHHHH, let me count the ways. There must be at least a dozen...or 13 if you’re a baker. Doughnuts serve a lot of purposes. Have you ever really thought about all the things a doughnut can do?! They come in really handy sometimes. Let’s look at a few ways they can be helpful when you get into a sticky situation:
Have you ever seen a baby cry with a doughnut in it’s mouth? NOPE. What about a loud-mouth politician ranting? Can he do it while eating a doughnut? NEGATORY GHOST RIDER! Shove a doughnut in their open pie-hole and that tends to do the trick, or at least muffle the noise a little. Have you ever seen someone crying or angrily eating doughnuts? No one has seen it because it’s simply impossible.
OOPS! Maybe that’s a little too friendly with the wrong people. Nonetheless, do you see anyone crying or firing nuclear warheads in this picture? NOT. GONNA. HAPPEN. Why? Doughnuts, that’s why. Perhaps if doughnuts were served at the United Nations and all meetings with foreign leaders, things would work out a little better. Maybe we just need to send some doughnuts to the countries we don’t get along with. Iran, North Korea, Russia and ISIS...here are several thousand doughnuts-now let’s negotiate. That’s my foreign policy idea: Doughnuts before every meeting! Let’s continue with our list.
Need to romance your wife before you get home but don’t know what romantic words to say? Send her a text letting her know, you’re bringing home doughnuts. Lonely? Buy a box of doughnuts..BOOM!...twelve edible friends. A doughnut is always helpful in shutting up obnoxious people.
If you’ve ever gotten pulled over by a police officer have you had a box of doughnuts handy? Probably not, but you totally should. Having a box of doughnuts available might not get you out of a ticket, but it will totally make the situation a little sweeter. Do you have trouble getting a loved one out of bed? TRY DOUGHNUTS-works like a charm. If you have children who don’t get up for school on time, or a tubby hubby who’s always late to work, tell them there are doughnuts in the kitchen for breakfast. I guarantee you they’ll be on time for once. Oh...I think I see a scowl. Do you think doughnuts are an unhealthy breakfast? How about we fry dough in a pan, put a stick of butter on it and pour syrup all over it? Does a pancake sound more healthy?...I’ll just stick with doughnuts.
Doughnuts may be able to inspire you to diet..or buy bigger clothes. I have been known to eat doughnuts in workout clothes when I have absolutely no intention of working out before or after I’m finished eating my doughnuts. Who works out in sweats anymore anyway?...unless you count gorging at a buffet or a doughnut shop as ‘working out’.
Everyone wants to look good, they’d just rather eat good first. Maybe we should call ourselves The United ATES of America. Since skinny jeans seem to be they trend, I’ve got a great idea: EAT MORE DOUGHNUTS. That’s right-why pay extra for skinny jeans when you can just buy regular jeans and let doughnuts help you turn them into skinny jeans?
Maybe a doughnut won’t help you with your diet, but it will certainly make you feel better about not being on a diet. I guess I’d rather be happy anyway. Besides, the cliché is ‘Fat & Happy’...not ‘Skinny and Happy’.
Maybe doughnuts can’t solve all of the world’s problems, but you know what can help? A smile...YOUR smile. We aren’t all always in control of our surroundings, but we are in control of our smile, attitudes and how we react to our environment. What can we do if we don’t have a doughnut or anything else tangible to give to someone? A positive attitude, a shoulder to cry on, a silly joke, a corny article about doughnuts or at least a smile and a hug will usually suffice. Look, we’re all stuck on this spinning rock circling the sun together. Maybe we should try a little more kindness, compassion and tolerance of each other’s beliefs. Everyone reading this has been so blessed and we’re so fortunate, yet we tend to be the most stressed, angry, tense of all societies. The poorest of us lives like kings compared to many in this world. Let’s consider how we can help each other more than how we can argue with each other. If you don’t have doughnuts when you get into a tight spot, most of the time a positive attitude and a smile will get you a long way. Remember, you’re the only one in control of your attitude and outlook on life. How will people remember you when this life is over? Donut be negative...be positive!