As a high school student in Palo Alto, California, I was fascinated by experiments. So I hired myself out to any experiment, focus group or survey that would have me.
That's how I ended up sitting in a laboratory with a guy in a white lab coat who explained that he was conducting an important scientific experiment. I was going to be compensated for my time and, and helping to further a scientific discovery. Fantastic!
"There's a man sitting in another room, on the other side of this wall," Mr. White Coat explained to me. "This man is taking a test and if he answers a question incorrectly, you must give him an electric shock."
Mr. White Coat shocks me the 15 volts to show me how it feels. Ow! I snap back in my seat. Tolerable, but definitely painful.
"Remember," Mr. White Coat reminds me. "If the test subject gets the wrong answer, you shock him."
The test begins. The man taking the test gets a string of wrong answers. I shock him. Wrong answer. I shock him again.
With each progressive shock, the man on the other side of the wall -- the man I am shocking -- begins to yelp, then cry out, then scream. It sounds like the pain is becoming unbearable.
I glance up at Mr. White Coat and he urges me to keep going. After the third shock, the man on the other side of the wall SCREAMS out, "Stop! Please! STOP! Let me out!" and starts pounding frantically on the wall. I yank back my hands and stand up.
"This experiment is over. I won't shock him any more. He's screaming. It obviously hurts."
Sternly, he urges me to sit down and continue. "You agreed to this experiment so you have to finish it."
"No, forget it, I won't do it," I tell him. I gather my things and prepare to leave. Mr. White Coat puts his hand on my shoulder to stop me and says, "Wait."
"The man on the other side of the wall is also participating in the experiment. He wasn't really being shocked. You weren't hurting him. He was just pretending. He wasn't the test subject. YOU are."
You can imagine, my teenage jaw fell right down to the floor. I was stunned and also relieved.
He went on to explain that he and his colleagues were conducting an experiment to see how people obey orders and respond to "authority figures."
The results were pretty troubling. Many of the people controlling the "shock" button kept shocking, and shocking, and shocking, and shocking...up to 450 volts ("Danger: severe shock") despite horrible screams and pleas coming from beyond the wall.
According to The Atlantic Magazine, in one variation of the experiment, 65% of the people shocked the other person to "death." (Not really, of course, because the actor was just pretending. But they didn't know that.)
When asked, "Why did you do that? Why did you keep administering the shock?" most people would respond with some variation of, "The guy in the white coat told me to do it."
Pretty staggering, right? As this experiment, first conducted by Stanley Milgram -- which went on to become a famous, historic experiment, and is now a Hollywood movie called Experimenter -- demonstrates, most people do not question authority. If someone who appears to wearing some kind of "uniform" doles out an instruction, most people simply obey.
I was one of the few people who wouldn't obey. Why? Because I won't be bullied into hurting somebody, even if I'm told that I "must." ("Must" is not a word that I like and I do not like being told what to do.) But I do know that it comes from my family, who has always taught me to stand up for what I believe no matter what. And to be kind and to help others who are in distress.
So this non-conformist attitude came from the example of my upbringing. As far as I can remember, I've always been wired that way -- and it definitely carries through to my work today.
When a client said to me, "My publisher wants to put out a press release that doesn't accurately represent my work and the content of my book and I don't feel right about it, but don't feel like I can say anything. After all, they know best." I told my client, "Don't go against your own moral compass. Let's come up with a new strategy and present it to them." That's what we did and it was readily accepted.
Or when another client said to me, "A sales expert told me I had to use his coaching model to get clients, but those aren't the people I really want to work with," I told my client, "Then stop that. We can find another way that reaches the people you resonate with." I helped her get her first $10,000 client for a new program we devised. She was elated and said, "You turned my world upside down. What you have really opened my eyes to is another level of living. One to which I have aspired, but my only model was 'become a guru.' (shudder) Not only are you helping me, you are modeling a way of thinking that uplifts my spirit."
When I see someone doing something that's painful, unethical, ineffective, or that just "doesn't feel right" for whatever reason, I urge them to speak up. I urge them to stop. I urge them to trust their instincts, rather than blindly trusting "The Man in the White Coat."
Your "speaking up" story can be anything you want. Stopping a person from beating their dog. Telling a teacher that you DO in fact have singing skills. A time when you spoke up in a meeting and suggested something totally opposite to the common group think.
By speaking up and choosing to behave differently than your peers, you could transform your industry, change your customer's lives, or (who knows?) even save someone's life.
When you feel the urge to speak up or defy the "orders" you've been given, do it.
With very, very few exceptions, you will not regret it.
Can you think of a time when you spoke up and it changed your life or someone else's life? I want to hear your story. Here's how to share it.
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