Can I pose a question? Wait. That was rather rude. Let me start over. Hello to you! I hope that this article finds you well! Okay, now that we have exchanged pleasantries, I will ask the question at hand. Why is it that we automatically think that there is someone else in our relationship when things are rocky? I had a conversation with a young man about the lack of sex and intimacy in his marriage. He immediately began to think that his wife was cheating on him. This is a misconception that so many couples go through,and I wanted to talk about the other things that might be going on, that may not have been considered. It's so easy to pick the most convenient excuse as to why the intimacy in a relationship is suffering, but I'm here to give five other reasons why intimacy might be lacking. Ready? Here we go.
Stress.
One of the top reasons that I have encountered when talking to couples is the abundance of stress. When you have so much on your plate, the last thing you want to do is “get down in the sheets”. You want to sleep. You want more money. You want PEACE.. and I'm not talking about a piece of the wife’s pie. The goal is to not let stress take over your situation; but let your situation be bigger than the stress. Find calmness within your marriage and find sanctity within it as well. With frequency of these thoughts and passion, you might just realize that the stress that you were seeing is becoming less and less of a priority, and more of an afterthought.
Bad Diet
You ever wonder how come you feel so tired after eating whole quarter of chicken, two sides of rice and beans,a scoop of collard greens, and a tall glass of tea? Oh, let's not forget the apple pie. Now, when we were younger, we definitely were able to handle such heavy, and not so good eating habits and still be able to slay in the bedroom. As we get older, we have to make some changes. Eating healthier gives you more energy and more of a desire to even want to make love or be intimate in any way, instead of just wanting to watch TV until the TV is watching you…. Leaving your partner frustrated and unsatisfied. This is yet another intimacy killer.
Self esteem.
In both men and women alike, when you don't feel good you really don't have the gumption to make anyone else feel good either. Even if it's your spouse or significant other. My suggestion would be to find whatever makes you happy, and be that. Once you focus on your happiness it will be much easier to focus on anyone else's... Especially in the bedroom. If you'd like, you can read more on this subject here...
Hormone shift.
So, as we age, our bodies decide that it doesn't know whether it wants to be hot or cold, and things just don't move the way they used to move, you know? When you're dealing with hormones being all over the place, sometimes the hormones that get shifted are the ones that make you wanna do the horizontal polka! So, that is also one of the contributors of low libido.
Lack of Exercise
If you aren't keeping yourself active, then you run the risk of having the same hormonal shifts that we talked about earlier. Exercise is a proven stress reliever, which we also talked about a little earlier in this post. Working out and keeping yourself in shape will boost lots of things, including your sex drive.
Bonus Tip!
As an added bonus reason, have you attempted to mention to your partner your frustrations? People, but women especially, just assume that mind reading is an actual THING that our spouses can do. Umm..No. They can’t. You may want to work on your communication. If you’re unsure where to start with that, start here. Get those thoughts brewing to become a better communicator. This works both in and outside of the bedroom.
So there you have it folks! When your mate does not want to, or has minimal desire to be intimate it isn't always because of infidelity. Now, I'm not telling you to ignore any signs that you may be seeing, but just know that there are other things that happens with us humans that can cause the change in behavior. It's not always “Becky with the Good Hair”. Sorry, I had to throw a Beyonce reference in there somewhere!
I hope you really enjoyed this article as much as I enjoyed writing it! I hope to have brought some insight to your views on intimacy. There isn't always someone else!
Exes and Ohs...
Nae :)
Since we are just getting to know each other, lets get social, shall we?