Three Things a Daughter Needs to Hear from Her Dad is my topic today. Part of an ongoing series of Three Things inspired by the blog, What Mommy Does. I saw that she, like other bloggers, were often posting about how to support their children and it made me think.
As a hypnotherapist, I see clients every week and they usually tell me something about their childhood that has stuck with them all their life. Lots of times these are negative things that hold them back or create negative blocks or beliefs. I hear this so much that I think I’m in a good position to tell you about it by letting you in on the secret.
And the secret is: you can make everyday moments into life changing moments for your child with just a few words.
The first thing that a daughter needs to hear from her dad is,
“Too bad that doll isn’t as strong and pretty as you.” Girls still play with dolls that have unrealistic figures. It can happen that they take these body types on as ideal and try all of their lives to live up to it. Also it often happens that something hard happens in a girl’s life and she can feel like the only thing that she can control herself is her eating. This can lead to heart breaking eating disorders
The mortality rate associated with anorexia nervosa is twelve times higher than the death rate of all causes of death for females between 15 – 24 years of age. Positive comments from Dad can change all that. Girls take in what dad says and it stays with them.
So, tell your daughter that even though that doll or action figure looks OK, they just don’t have what she has; that sparkle that’s all hers and the strength and prettiness that light up a room.
- The next thing that a daughter needs to hear from her dad is, “I love your mom and your brother and sister. I really love our family. But this family started with your mom and me. So, I love her in an extra special way.”
This often goes unsaid in the home. A man may tell his wife that he loves her, but he might only say that in private. We often get caught up in our daily chores and work and activities so that most of our conversations revolve around daily living. When girls hear Dad say he loves their mom, they feel safe and very secure in their family life.
After all, a lot of their friends have families that have experienced divorce and new marriages. Today’s kids often feel
that every disagreement in their house means their parents are getting divorced.
And you know what? If you are divorced, you should still tell your daughter that you really loved her mom before and your heart still remembers that, even if you can’t be married anymore.
Because a daughter needs to feel secure that her dad won’t divorce his love for her. And a daughter needs to hear that a man can say that he loves his wife. Someday she’ll be in a relationship and she’ll be weighing that man’s qualities to be a good husband and father. You are going to want her to find a man who will say that he loves her in that very special way.
- And here is the third thing that a daughter needs to hear from her dad.
“Let’s tell one thing we saw today that was beautiful and one thing that we loved about our family today.” This is an exercise that I give to my hypnosis clients when they are depressed or have a low self esteem issue. I have them write it in a tiny notebook but for a dad and daughter, they can just say it.
Why is this important? It’s easy to get stuck in a rut and all our family seems to hear from us is a rundown of our day which might contain a bit of complaining.
My own grown daughter likes to call every day on her commute home from work and get her complaining out for the day. She says this gets that out of her system and then she can go home with a better attitude to her fiancé. If our only nightly conversation sounds like a complaint, a child can interpret that as how crappy her parent’s life must be. It’s probably not true just a bit of letting off steam and winding down.
But a kid doesn’t see life through the lens of an adult. So, right before sleep, you tell one thing you saw that was beautiful.
It could have been a cool car or a pretty flower or the colors of the sunset that evening. Maybe it was a butterfly or a brand new penny or a smile on someone’s face. But you each share one thing and you know the next day, you have to find something new, no matter how your day went.
Then say something you love about your family or family member. Sometimes, that could be really tough if you’ve had a bad day. Maybe you can only say, “What I loved about your brother today was that he only argued with you 10 times today instead of 12 arguments like yesterday!”
Just do what you can. But there will be really good days, too. “What I loved about Mom today was that she sent me a funny joke in my lunch and my friends thought that was really cool.”
Then the next day, it has to be something different. The reason it all works so well is that because you know you have to find those two things every night, throughout the day you are looking out for that beautiful thing and that thing you love about your family.
Soon, this becomes a habit. When you have the habit of looking for beauty and love all day, it’s much, much harder to worry about what others are thinking about you or how mean your brother can be or how aggravating traffic is.
It changes your whole outlook on life.
And this is what we want to teach our children.
About the Author Angie J. Hernandez, C.Ht.
Angie J. Hernandez, Is A Certified Hypnotherapist, from Milford, Indiana. Hypnosis has given her a gift to share with others. Angie is an expert in her field and works alongside Richard Barker and is one of the most respected hypnotists in Indiana