Top 7 Takeaways From Transgender Tindering

Before sex change surgery, I fretted that men would focus on the aesthetics of how the procedure turned out. Who would have expected a spiritual awakening from seven Tinder conversations to prove that assumption wrong?

1.
Him:
Hey Zoe!! Haha:). I love ur write-up. Honest and open...
A boys body... Haha!:). I call it diesel;). Anyway, i like it.
U seem fun and i like outdoorsy stuff too. We shud hang and if things work, also open to sex. Haha!:)

Me:
No seriously, I am transgender, transitioned and had surgery when young

Him:
Oh i see :) sorry, new to that scene/terms.
Hope i did not offend:)
So did you have a fun outdoorsy summer thus far?

2.
Him:
Where you really born in a boys body lol

Me:
Yes

Him:
Lol. No way then you got surgery?

Me:
Yes

Him:
Oh crazy stuff

Me:
Not crazy, just born that way
No need to be insulting

Him:
I'm. Not I would of said something

Me:
Oh maybe I misunderstood, I thought you were being mean about it

Him:
Lol no

3.
Him:
Boy transitioned to female? So you like boys or girls or boys want to be girls?
I'm ignorant but curious

Me:
Not sure I understand the question
I am a straight female
I was born in a boy's body and fully transitioned to female earlier in life

Him:
Oh okay. You into running and fitness? You seems fit

Me:
Yes!

4.
Him:
Were you really born a man?

Me:
Well I consider myself always female, but yes, I was born in a boy's body.
Why do you ask? I already said so in my profile.

Him:
Sometimes people say things for attention
So do you have a dick? Can you get pregnant?

Me:
I am completely female. No, I cannot get pregnant, but I am not looking for a husband anyway.

Him:
You don't need a husband to get pregnant.
I was just curious if you were able to or not
Do you feel that you are a happy person

Me:
Yes, very happy
I had to work to be able to be myself, and now I am

Him:
Good for you

5.
Him:
If I ask you a question that's disrespectful you'll tell me?

Me:
I would prefer just to merry on person and see if we hit it off
*Meet

Him:
Ok
Can I ask one question? : )

Me:
Yes

Him:
Do you have complete sensation in your vigina?

Me:
Yes. And I get wet and have clitoral and vaginal orgasms.

Him:
Ok I'm done asking : )
I'd love to meet

6.
Me:
What would you like to know

Him:
Doea that mean you have had a sex change

Me:
That term is not accurate

Him:
I am unfamliiar so forgive my ignorance
That is the only term i have heard
Hopefully my attempt to educate myself in the process of being ignorant counts for something
...Cant say I've ever been down that road

Me:
That you know of

Him:
Lol that i know of
Good point

7.
Me:
Btw, you know that i was born in a boy's body, correct?
Completely female now but I like to make sure since some men are weird about it.

Him:
Yes I do. You made a transition. It's cool.
Would still love to get ino trouble.

Me:
Ok great.

Him:
Just out of curiosity... What are you wearing at the moment?

*

And thus I came to understand, a decade after surgery, that all my prior fears around going under the knife to correct my genitalia had indeed been based in reality; only it was a different one from what I had imagined. Rather than concerning themselves over details of appearance, men who were interested just wanted to make sure I could feel pleasure -- or they simply moved beyond the subject altogether.

Lesson learned: don't judge a flame by its Tinder.

*

This blog post is excerpted and adapted from my book There Is Room for You: Tales from a Transgender Defender's Heart.