Virginity Vows... They’re Not Just for Sex Anymore

The White House is obsessed with abstinence -- so you know the chastity crowd there will be turned on by the new Heritage Foundation study which "proves" that those taking virginity pledges get STDs less frequently than those who don’t. Whether or not the new study is valid (and Matthew Yglesias shows why it’s probably not) it gave me an idea (and aren't most good ideas born from bad ideas?)

If the Bushies are so concerned with virginity and abstinence, why limit it to sex? So here is my modest proposal: all administration officials should take an abstinence pledge not to whore themselves out as lobbyists or otherwise trade on their insider standing upon walking through the governmental exit door.

Unlike sexual virginity pledges, there’s absolutely no doubt that this vow would have a positive effect.

For starters, it would spare us the unseemly sight of watching global warming doc rewriter Phil Cooney turning around and getting his hot and heavy payback from Exxon Mobil. Reason enough to push for the virginity pledge.

But Cooney is far from the only former Bush administration official all-too-willing to put out soon after walking out. Tom Scully went from overseeing Medicare to working as a health care lobbyist. Andy Lundquist went from running Cheney’s energy task force to energy lobbyist. John Ashcroft was our top cop, now he’s a K Street lobbyist specializing in security issues. And Admiral James Loy, Asa Hutchinson, and Stewart Verdery have all gone from working at the Department of Homeland Security to working for companies that lobby for firms looking to snag Homeland Security funds.

So how about it, guys? Anyone ready to keep the body politic free of GTDs (greed transmitted diseases) by just saying no? Remember, as the saving-it-for-marriage crowd likes to say: "True Love Waits."