When I was a kid I dreamed of being a professional tennis player. That didn’t work out too well. But back in the day I had big plans and they included being famous, winning one of the majors in front of thousands of cheering fans. It never happened, but that’s okay. Because it seems to me that there is too high a cost for fame.
I’m conflicted. Part of me does want to be well-known, but not if it costs what I see famous people have to pay. My dad used to call me a, “Legend in my own mind.” Yet, when I read Jennifer Aniston’s blog post yesterday and the responses from celebs today, I thought to myself, “Screw fame.” I just want to be normal. I just want to be me. It’s not the first time I felt this.
My takeaway from Jennifer’s article yesterday is the tragically high cost of fame seems not worth the price. Knowing what we all know, why would any of us seek fame? Look what happened to J.D. Salinger. He rejected fame after writing The Catcher in The Rye. Salinger basically retreated to a bunker-like cabin deep in the wooded lands of New Hampshire. He became a recluse, even to his family. From what I’ve read about J.D. Salinger, he ran from fame for a reason; perhaps to work through the war of art and life that raged in his mind. The cost of fame was too high.
Why Be Famous?
Fame was rejected by J.D. Salinger and millions of others. I suppose the most famous and talented people in the world have greater demons confronting them than mine. It seems that famous people put so much of themselves out to the world, there is little left over for them or their families. What is the point of fame if it strips away the ability to be happy, healthy and sane?
If the true cost of fame will always be this tragic tradeoff, you can have it. I wonder if famous people used to think like I think now. “I’m so conflicted. That fame things looks scary as hell. Forget it. But wait, I need to get my name out there. I want attention, new business, etc., but what will it cost me?” I doubt it and now you see how the internal conflict of the mind rages on. This all seems pretty simple though. If you didn’t want to be famous in some small way, if you didn’t want something for yourself, why would you or I write an article for a major publication or show our work anywhere on the planet? You see the conflict? Fame seems terrifying, but most of us still want a piece of it.
So why do so many of us work so hard to get our names, articles, videos, opinions and pictures in front of millions of people? I suppose for money, mostly. While I definitely love money it’s not what really drives me. Being happy, healthy and free is drives me. Getting to wake up most days and do what I want, when I want, pick the marketing projects I want is freedom. I get to be alone, a lot. Nobody can call me, find me, bother me if I ride my motorcycle into the wild or hike far, far away. Nope. I am free and this is only because nobody really knows who I am! My freedom has no price!
The other pull to fame could be cosmic. Maybe some of us were born to be famous, even if we don’t have the beauty of a Jennifer Aniston or any other equally glorified, famous man. I’m not a shrink, but I believe there’s also some ego-based pull that compels us to pursue our professional passion to perform, entertain and please others. I write because I love it, not because I want to be famous. I played tennis because I loved it as a kid and younger man, not really because I wanted to be famous and make buckets of money. I suppose a big part of me didn’t believe enough I could win “the big one” and that’s okay. As a kid, fame seemed sexy. Now it seems worse than anything because famous people develop parasites; stupid, inconsiderate humans who shoot pictures for money with complete disregard for others. This is the same, selfish behavior that destroys the world.
In stark contrast to what we read about the plight of fame, I am finally happy being me. There is no need for fame, to the contrary, a need to avoid it in the extreme. That’s it. Avoid the extreme, kind of like I’m doing because chances are I won’t be famous, ever, and I can still achieve my goals to help others, love my work, stay healthy and make a decent wage. In the unlikely event fame does come along, I’ll deal with it then. Highly unlikely, indeed. For me and maybe you, it’s good to be nearly anonymous, for most of us. Even if we don’t get the buckets of money famous people get.
Are You Willing To Pay?
If you recognize the cost of fame you will likely not pay it. Trying to be famous seems as tragic as being famous. Most of us get to wake up and do what we love to do just because it feels right. That is a gift. When you feel right you’ve got a better chance to feel happy. Fame seems to strip all that away, fast. Not only do famous people get naked on the covers of magazines, they get naked because everywhere they go they are under the lense of a drone video camera, hovering, invading every inch of their privacy. Considering this, we can be even more content to be who we are in the here and now, instead of wanting fame.
I am content in the here and now making a fair living as a self-employed marketing consultant. Yes, I’d like to be better known and I’d love to help more people. But not if it costs me fame. I’ll do my best to hide from anybody who hunts me down, especially the guy knocking on my door with the photo radar paperwork. “Hide!” And herein lies my journey living what I call, “The middle way.” I am independent as a thinker and voter. I don’t watch television. I have a close group of friends and amazing family. I am healthy and happy. Why would I want fame to mess all this up?
I want to help more people as a professional. This is kind of selfish and necessary within reason. The more important and significant way I help people and “paid” is by giving more freely my time, love, attention and money within the community I live. By helping other people I learned to help myself. That’s right. I learned this from dear friends who took me under their wing when I was very broken about a decade ago. None of them were famous people, but they sure had all the same issues I was having and I wanted the happiness they shared. They taught me how to get out of my own way, a luxury famous people seem not to have. When fame consumes them there is nothing left.
Being of Service
If fame brings no joy, here’s what does; service to others. Being of service to others brings immense joy and has nothing to do with fame. When I was recovering from a super-tough time in my life I learned that by helping other people I could turn my life around. It worked! I started volunteering more and mentoring, and teaching the homeless how to get ready for a new job at St. Joseph The Worker in Phoenix, Arizona. (I need to do more because I can. I just get lazy-busy working, serving me, and in my own way.)
Learning about service, not fame, is what I am drawn to now. Fame brings pain. Service brings joy. None of us need to be famous to be happy living the life of our dreams. Service work, not fame, transformed my life. That was a powerful lesson. None of the most loving people I know in the world today, normal people, chase fame. They are humble, happy, serving humans. We need more people chasing service instead of being famous.
The Pursuit of Fame
Why pursue fame if you know the high cost? Imagine that you had finally achieved your greatest dream as a writer, actress, artist or athlete; you made it to the big leagues, big buck and bright, white lights. You get to walk the Red Carpet and accept invites to the big dude parties. Then you learn to hate it because you wake up to the grim reality that life as you knew it is dead; you will forever be stalked and shot with cameras and nobody in your family is truly safe, especially if a real wacko comes along. You basically want to disappear. This is the same irony I find when I think about being young and dependent on my parents, then old and dependent on my kids. One of life’s little jokes on us; a conundrum. We know what fame costs, yet we chase it.
What if you don’t consciously pursue fame, but it happens anyway? Every experience, including becoming famous, is a process. I know little about becoming famous because I am far from it. It sure looks like scary stuff though. I see every famous person and imagine what it must be like to look over my shoulder every moment of every day and night. It must be a miserable existence to be stalked and have privacy completely stripped away by people with a camera, deadline or personal agenda to fulfill. Screw that kind of life, for this mere mortal guy. I just want to help people.
Living Hell - Heaven On Earth
Fame. Welcome to living hell. I can’t fathom not being able to walk out of my home, walk my cool dog (Under Dog), hang out with my even cooler wife, ride my bicycle or motorcycle without being smothered, no, tormented, hounded, harassed or worse by the paparazzi. Fame for fame’s sake is empty. It’s a terrifying proposition because of the evidence. How many celebs find fame too painful and they leave us forever or retreat to a cabin in the woods? How much more evidence do we need?
I am compelled forever to shun fame. I am conflicted enough as is. Fame would make it worse. Yet, here I am writing, teaching and serving to do my little part. I’m grateful for Jennifer’s article because it teaches all of us the high cost of fame.
Today, for me, I’ll choose Heaven on Earth. Keep the fame.