I recently had a conversation with my mother, where I walked away feeling like she didn’t believe in me. When something bothers us, or we have an unpleasant reaction to something it means that there is something that we haven’t come to terms with in ourselves.
I realize that she has her own limiting beliefs and projected them onto me. If you have a limiting belief, you’ve done this. But I reacted to her with a lower vibration emotion, so I know that there is something there that I need to work on. I wanted to look within, so I did a process I learned from Teal Swan called How to Heal the Emotional Body.
The first step is when you are feeling an emotion, you don’t know from where it’s coming, and you want to heal it—sit in it. Really feel the emotion. When you ignore an emotion, you’re resisting it. You push it down, and it will always be there at your base, building up, ready to come up and explode when you least expect it. But, if you feel through the emotion, embrace it, allow it, then you can be free of it.
Now that you’re really feeling it, ask yourself, “Where was the first time that I felt like this?” You don’t have to name the feeling. Don’t think of it intellectually. Just be in your body and let the answer come to you. The answer can be completely unexpected, and often it comes from a past event that you probably hadn’t thought of in years.
For me, I thought of an event that occurred when I was 10 or 11. I played tennis for a swim and tennis club. I remember what I was wearing this day—blue shorts, a gray shirt, and my hair was in cornrows (rows of braids from my forehead to my neck). After tennis practice, I walked over to the bike rack in front of the pool entrance and took my bike out to ride home. Then I heard a voice behind me. “What are you doing?” It was my favorite lifeguard! He was in high school, and he had these broad shoulders, which I loved to watch as he swam butterfly.
“I’m riding home,” I said.
“I’ve never seen you here. What’s your name?”
“Stacy Ison”
“Is that your bike?”
“Yes, I play on the tennis team here.”
“Well, I’m going to take your information and check around to see if you’re telling the truth.”
“Just ask ….” I listed all my friends on the tennis team that had older brothers that he might know.
I left. The next day I had tennis practice. After practice, I went to get my bike. He appeared. “I checked around, and it is your bike. You just looked like someone who would steal a bike.”
Around that same time, the mother of my best friend (whose name was on the list I gave him) would not let her come over to my home and play. My best friend told me it was because I lived in “the apartments” in the adjoining neighborhood.
I didn’t feel good enough. I felt small. The lifeguard didn’t believe me—didn’t believe in me, and my best friend’s mother was judging the environment and me and my family, because we lived in “the apartments.”
I hadn’t thought of those events in years, and I didn’t realize they still bothered me. Now, I know where I first felt that way. Now I change it.
Time is linear on this third dimensional plane (or fourth dimension, if you include time). However, if you look at it from another level, all time is happening simultaneously. It’s like if you stand in the middle of a straight line, it looks like it’s going from one point to another further along the line. But, if you stand directly behind the line, it looks like a point. That’s what time is in multi-dimensions. And because all time is simultaneous, when you change something in one timeline, you can affect other timelines.
So, now that you know the event where you first felt that way, change what happened. Choose whatever scenario you wish could have happened and feel that change. For me, after my best friend asked her mother if she could come to my place and play, her mother said, “Sure! You girls have fun!” And at the swim and tennis club, that lifeguard came out and said, “Hi, there! Are you Stacy? I heard about you. Everyone says what an awesome tennis player you are!”
I smile when I think about that now, and I’m in a much better place. Sometimes we don’t realize the deep emotional effect that events of yesteryear still have over us. You can accept what happened, and know there are an infinite number of possibilities that are happening - you and events are not just one thing. You can feel the emotion through, and come out on the other side lighter and free.