If a Republican-led Congress has its way, Americans may soon face stiff fines and even imprisonment for viewing the once-beloved Frank Capra-helmed Christmas classic It’s a Wonderful Life.
The bill to ban the 1946 film, which starred James Stewart and Donna Reed, will go before the House next week, and a majority ruling is anticipated. Citing socialist overtones and a wimpy, bleeding-heart protagonist, champions of the bill say it is about time “citizens of this country stop sympathizing with a degenerate radical like George Bailey.”
In the holiday-themed film, a favorite on television each year, George Bailey, a family man and savings & loan operator in the fictional community of Bedford Falls, is brought back from the brink of suicidal disaster by a bumbling angel named Clarence, and the help of a community he thought had abandoned him. In the process, Bailey falls afoul of a local real estate mogul named Mr. Potter, whose quest to develop expensive real estate that squeezes out the poor is rapidly taking hold in the small town.
“George Bailey was offered a perfectly good position in Potter’s company,” said an unnamed House Republican who is supporting what has become known as the “Zuzu’s Petals” bill. “What kind of loser, in a seller’s economy, clings to his stupid ideals—and gives up a life of wealth and ease for his family—just to avoid doing business with a soulless real estate magnate? I mean, where are this libtard’s priorities?
“Not to mention,” said a House staffer who shares what may soon be revealed as the majority opinion, “the dude can’t even afford to fix the wonky banister in his own house, but he’s still working to make life better for people from foreign countries without even doing background checks or caring that they are there to take jobs away from everyone in Bedford Falls.”
“This idea of providing equal opportunity to people at the bottom of the heap is completely un-American,” he added. “It’s absolutely counter to everything this country stands for. If you ask me, it’s socialist talk.”
“It’s about time George Bailey was outed as the sickeningly soft-hearted milquetoast that he is, and that the film itself be revealed for the cold, sentimental and downright evil piece of celluloid that it is.”
Should the Zuzu’s Petals bill become law, not only will viewing or owning It’s a Wonderful Life in any analog or digital format become illegal, but also anyone caught doing Jimmy Stewart impersonations as they playfully blurt out famous lines from the film or reenact the drugstore scene where Mr. Gower boxes young George’s ear, will be publicly humiliated on Twitter.
No word yet on whether or not the song “Buffalo Gals” will be allowed to exist as a separate entity.