Are you patient with your kids all the time? And maybe you have never yelled at them? Not a single nervous breakdown? Perhaps you have never raised your voice, too? Well, this is impressive. Beyond all doubt, you are the ideal parent any child would love to have.
Now, let’s talk about the rest of us, the mortals who scold their children at least once a day. Not that a kid dreams of listening to their cross parents’ murmur every single day. But dear kids, I’m afraid this is how the world works.
So… I’m not about to give you any parenting tips. How would I dare since I usually need such tips myself? Nor do I represent the ever composed mother. Patience, patience, patience, mummy! Or “Come on, inner peace! I don’t have all day!”
And although inner peace often (or very often?) forgets to pay us a visit, here is why I believe being angry with your children is not worth it:
1. Repetitions are a waste of time.
“I have told you a million times to tidy up that heap of toys!” Any progress? No. The heap of toys is still waiting for you to tidy it up. So what’s the point of repeating and repeating one and the same thing? Your child doesn’t seem to have heard you even once. But that’s not all. The more you repeat it, the more infuriated you get, and it all leads nowhere. I know, it’s hard for your feet to manoeuvre when every inch of the ground is covered with toys. But leave it, leave your child alone and go make a cup of coffee. Or perhaps, something stronger? In this case, check out Life is Knutts and Gemma Nuttall’s cocktail recipes; she will tell you how to survive parenthood.
2. Instant forgiveness is inevitable.
Why should I be angry with my boy when I am perfectly aware that I’ll forgive him in less than 5 minutes? I’ve just told him off severely and I already regret it. Apparently, there is no logic in my behaviour. I am frustrated, he is sad, nobody wins. He is now looking at me so pitifully, and his little face is so irresistibly cute and innocent! How could I have got mad with him at all? It was just a stupid nothingness… You see, you don’t want to feel that guilt, once the anger has died down in your mind.
3. Dangerous games and injuries? You may be scared, your kid doesn’t care.
You have explained to your child that something is dangerous and still, they keep doing it. “Stop! Don’t climb up there.” On the millionth time (which brings us back to point 1), not a single kid has listened to your invaluable advice. Undoubtedly, you are dreading your precious could get hurt. Actually, you’re scared to death but you’ll never let them know. You are seeing red, and your little villain doesn’t care a damn. Well, you lose. Kids will not stop anyway. My son has experienced how hot the oven could be and he continues to be absolutely inattentive. Less anger, more vigilance. Oh, and feel free to call for that naughty inner peace again.
My arguments may not be convincing enough, of course. And being angry is not a thing we do on purpose, I get that. Yet, I hope to have learned some things about parenting so far. One of the lessons my child has taught me is that being an angry parent does no good to anyone. I admit, I get angry at times but at least, I try to reduce it to a minimum. Because I realise that my child will appreciate my kind words more than my anger.
Besides, the egoist in me badly longs for the inner peace from above. I’ll be the happy steady mama who loves the world, and my son will be the happy smiling boy who enjoys having me around. It sounds idyllic. And it could be.
Out of my way, nasty anger! I don’t need you. Not at all. Neither does my child.
Dear parents, how do you manage to stay calm when your kids push your buttons? I do my best but still, any advice is highly appreciated.
Marina xxx
This post was originally published on www.simplymarinailieva.com.