It can heart wrenching to love a man who’s hobbies put his life in danger.
Hobbies help us relax and disconnect from the everyday routine. They take us out of our mundane lifestyle and provide stress relief and a sense of fun. However, some hobbies are much more dangerous than others -- for example, reading vs. hang gliding. If it seems like your guy only invests his free time in doing dangerous activities, there are some good reasons why you should let him continue.
So-called dangerous hobbies can range in risk level. There’s everything from high-speed go kart racing, whitewater rafting, deep diving, bungee jumping, hunting, caving, motorcycling, to base jumping, and that’s just to name a few. I once knew a guy who set off professional pyrotechnics as a hobby. Surprise, there are men who love to blow things up. Some people would even say playing the stock market or getting together for a poker night has its own level of risk involved.
Men aren't the only ones who like to participate in dangerous hobbies. But studies have shown that male risk-taking increases under stress, while female risk-taking tends to decrease under stress.
So why should you let your guy do any or all of the dangerous activities he wants?
Why men like dangerous hobbies
Men often have this need to feel alive. It’s innate in them. Think of what men did long ago. They hunted for food, built fires, traps and homes, engaged in hand-to-hand combat. Many high-risk or dangerous activities fill this need for adventure that men don’t get from everyday life anymore.
Some women will strongly oppose the idea of her partner getting a motorcycle. Others may greatly encourage their guy to turn down the invitation to go skydiving with a buddy. But without participating in the hobbies that he enjoys and that help release stress, the man in your life will feel stifled and eventually could end up harboring resentment against you.
Why dangerous hobbies are good for men
Men typically need some sort of adventure in their lives. They will find it somewhere. If it isn’t on a motorcycle or parachute, it could be in the form of something much more harmful, like completely checking out of your marriage and seeking adventure in another relationship.
Men also need to be alone from time to time. They need an escape from the inbox, the bills, the responsibilities and the pressure of everyday life. When a man is out hunting in the middle of the forest, or white water rafting down a speedy river, there are no children crying for help, no emails to urgently return and no honey-do list to work on. He has space and solitude to think and breathe and sort through things. His mind can escape all the daily burdens and he can just be in that moment.
Women often get their stress out through conversation and in their relationships with other women. Men aren’t wired the same way, so they need to make sure they have other outlets. If his outlets are dangerous hobbies that you forbid, that could lead to trouble, for him and for your relationship.
Ultimately, letting men be men is healthy for him, for you, and for your relationship. There are always going to be risks in life. The trick is to trust him with the risks he wants to take and give him enough freedom to enjoy his dangerous hobbies. It will help him get a much-needed break from everyday life and release his stress. And hopefully he won't be looking for a release with someone else. It will also lead to him having more perspective and keep him feeling alive. And doesn’t everyone want to be with a partner who feels alive?
You can read more advice from Kurt at Guy Stuff Counseling, Facebook, Google+, or Twitter.