As human beings we have differing opinions. We can both be looking at the same sky and you see it as blue while I see it as green. Both of our viewpoints are valid because you can’t tell someone their opinion or perspective is “wrong.” Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and just because you think one thing and I think another doesn’t mean that you’re wrong or I’m right or vice versa. I had to learn this over the course of many years. I still struggle with wanting to be “right.” It’s hard to let go of the idea once you’re used to operating like that.
In reality there is no objective “right” or “wrong.” Think about the idea of morality. Your morals can and will differ from my morals. What you see as integrity can differ from what I see as integrity. You can try to impose your morals onto other people but they don’t have any obligation to accept them as objective truths. That’s the beauty of being human, your truth is your own.
This is a concept that I learned about couple’s therapy: two people can have their own opinions and it’s possible for them to learn to see things from the other person’s view point. Even though you have a strong opinion you don’t have to dismiss your partner’s perspective as invalid. In fact, trying to understand where your partner is coming from (even if you disagree with it) can strengthen a relationship. That’s what working with a therapist is all about: fortifying your communication skills either with your partner or how you speak to other people in your life.
Maybe you’re thinking: but what if I’m stubborn? What if I can’t let go of the idea that I’m right in a given situation? The answer is: you can. It just takes hard work on your part to see outside of yourself. When you do this, you’re showing the other person three things:
1. You care enough to see their point of view.
2. You are flexible and open to compromise.
3. You value that relationship.
Another thing about trying to see things from another person’s perspective is that you grow as a person. If you only stuck to the way you saw things, you’d be stagnant. When you’re able to open your mind and see the world through someone else’s eyes you will change for the better.
The skill you’re using when you actively see things from another person’s perspective is empathy. If each of us worked hard to be more empathetic, we would be in a better position mentally and emotionally. Even though I am stubborn, I actively try to put myself in other people’s shoes; not literally of course, because not everyone has the same size feet. Though it can be challenging, it’s important to care about what your loved ones think and feel. You’re showing those people that they matter when you attempt to look at the world through their eyes as opposed to your own.
