Have you ever hosted a pity party?
If I received an invitation to a pity party, I would say "No, thank you," and seek out a more positive environment.
I would much rather attend a happy party and have fun. I don't want to waste my time and energy on negative people and situations if I didn't have to.
When is the last time you hosted an I'm-not-good-enough pity party for yourself?
If your life has been difficult lately and you feel under-valued, it's easy to slip into a defeatist mindset.
Pressure from superiors, stress from deadlines, and uncertainty about your future is a recipe for poor-me stew.
It's ok. We've all had those days.
But, the truth is, I rarely do that anymore. For years now, I've been working with strategy, business, and mindset coaches who help me avoid those dark days.
My mindset and growth are things I continue to work on because I've learned that stretching into a new normal is a process. Through my work with my support systems, I have learned my patterns.
That's why I practice positive mindset and re-aligning with my core values every day. I don't stay in the dark place for very long anymore.
Recently, though, one of those dark days surfaced, and I found myself hosting my own pity party.
I had been working on an exciting project with a potential partner. I could envision all the amazing work we could do together. We had been meeting up for the past month brainstorming ideas, and I was super excited about how this project could develop.
Then, it fell through (for a bunch of good reasons).
My immediate reaction was, "I'm not good enough."
"I'm not good enough for this person to work with. She wants someone better."
Isn't it funny how our minds always make situations like this so personal?
Recently, a client I've been working with for nearly a year had a similar experience.
She received a nasty-gram from her counterpart and quickly spiraled down to the "I'm-not-good-enough" place.
Her work means everything to her; it's how she identifies herself.
She felt deflated, crushed, and embarrassed.
Can you relate?
Have you ever felt hopeless and unsure what to do next when you get feedback or a response that's not exactly positive?
During our coaching session, I asked her if she believed her work was truly not good enough.
Her response was "No." She said she knew the limiting thought was untrue. She is an awarding-winning strategist. Her work is top-notch in her industry. She has proved her value time and again. Of course she's good enough.
Together, we navigated through the challenge that caused the misunderstanding, and we laid out action steps to set the course toward a solution.
It's hard to receive negative comments and feedback, and it's natural to take it personally at first. We all do it.
The next time this happens to you, before you do anything else, first, take a breath. Get centered and ask yourself, "Is this limiting thought really true?"
Then, try these 3 steps to stop the negativity from taking over:
1. Write out what's on your mind
Write a letter, an email to yourself or in a journal. Start with the question, "Is that thought really true?" Let all your feelings out. Dump them all out so that unsaid things don't fester inside you. If writing is not your thing, talk out loud. The worst thing is to continue thinking about it and letting the thought ferment into stinky, negative, unhealthy beliefs about yourself.
2. Sleep on it
Don't think about it. Let it rest. If things come up, add the thoughts to your letter or email that you wrote. Go to bed early or take a nap. When you are stuck in this reaction mode, it's easy to beat yourself up with negative thoughts. Your body and soul needs to rest. You can't make healthy decisions or allow good thoughts in when you are a physically and mentally exhausted.
3. Don't go social
Don't go on Facebook or other social media and start ranting. Don't call up friends and start complaining about how miserable you are (unless you want to be a teenager all over again). Instead, depend on a network of people who will actually support you. For example, contact your coach, a mentor, or an accountability buddy who you trust and who look out for your best interest. Friends and family members are often not the best people to go to in these cases. They might buy into the story and add fuel to the fire.
Are you a frequent guest to the "I'm-not-good-enough" pity party?
Chances are this hangout is holding you back from showing the world who you really are.
Schedule a Clarity Call and let's discuss how coaching might help you to move forward to achieve your true success.
Does this post resonate with you? Share your pity-party stories below.
Nozomi Morgan, MBA, is a certified Executive Coach and the Founder and President of Michiki Morgan Worldwide LLC. Addition to coaching, she speaks and trains on leadership, career, professional development and cross-cultural business communication.