Low self-esteem is not uncommon to many people. In fact, I would suggest more people suffer from a lower level of self-esteem than a higher one. Those on the low end probably look at those at the other end and get really envious. But it does not have to be that way.
I have come to believe that people can improve their own self-esteem issues if they are willing to do what I call “soul work.” Soul work involves discerning and identifying core messages that people have carried around since childhood and adolescence. Phrases like “You’re no good,” “I cannot believe you will amount to anything” or “You always will be a failure” tend to stick with people no matter how “advanced” their emotional sides are in their lives. Soul work also involves healing through deep introspection as well as being a part of like-minded groups and communities.
Far too many people walk through life as if they are sleepwalkers in search of the Holy Grail. That grail might look like success, financial freedom, a great loving relationship with a partner, or simply enjoying every day to its fullest. An improved self-esteem can definitely go a long way toward discarding those harmful, hurtful messages.
Let me offer three ways that can help to improve your self-esteem:
1. Learn to love yourself. Ah, now I know that many people just might not believe that loving yourself can actually have positive effects within themselves. I am here to let you know that loving yourself in a healthy, nurturing way is a powerful journey to healing. Do you have trouble appreciating what you have accomplished in life? I know about that uneasy feeling when someone lets me know how much they have appreciated my creative work. I can say “Thank you” yet I’ll have an almost imposter-like syndrome crop up. That imposter voice will say “What did you really do to help them? You did nothing.” It is not true and I have to take a minute or two and remind myself that I’m loved and worthy of accepting compliments. This is not just a BS blow-off type of thing. No, it is very real and I’d suggest it as an exercise for your life.
2. Discover your true worth. Do you value yourself and what you bring to the world? It can get really sticky when looking at those personal accomplishments. Some people repress and deny their worth. I am not really speaking about worth in a money sense. Every individual is worthy of love, compassion, empathy and joy. Getting to that point, though, of fully accepting those and other high-energy feelings when considering what you have done in your life takes people a long time. Why? It just has to do with what they have heard or learned from other people throughout their life journey. There are those individuals who have received praise and love in healthy ways. Others have not been as lucky or blessed. So, it is up to each one of us to discover our true worth and have it play a role in improving our self-esteem.
3. Embrace your imperfections. Perfection is a hardcore destroyer of people’s lives. It can serve a two-fold purpose: one, it guides people toward structure throughout their everyday lives, and two, it puts an imaginary foot right on your throat if something screws up. No matter who it is, every person has imperfections. We all do and I would suggest that these not-so-perfect parts of us make life that much brighter. Consider balancing your imperfections against the battle of self-esteem. If you and I have the ability to touch and embrace those dark, not-so-friendly parts of ourselves, then this also can parlay into helping self-esteem rise from the gutter and move up the scale.
Tackling the issue of self-esteem should not be so heavy for people. It can be a journey of discovery that will lead you into a greater awareness of yourself, your loved ones, and your close friends. These side effects from an improved self-esteem will show up all over the place IF you stay emotionally awake. Staying emotionally awake means for you and I to follow those inner hunches, or intuitive urges, which can drive us toward an improved perspective each day. May you and I become part of the last vestiges of low self-esteem and its harmful effects.
Joe Rutland is an author, writer, speaker and podcaster who helps people connect with their emotions. He is an activist for the facial difference community around the world, including the cleft and craniofacial communities. He hosts “CleftCast,” a podcast dedicated to the emotional well-being of this international community.
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