If you are one of the 40,000,000 single Americans currently using online dating, you could be missing out on everyday opportunities to find love offline. Online dating is a great resource, but it can also feel exhausting and demoralizing.
As a dating coach, I regularly encourage my online dating-fatigued clients to pause all of their accounts and take a break to recharge, even if only for a week or two. Online dating should not be the only avenue you take to meet potential partners – you can increase your chances of meeting someone organically.
Here are 6 creative ways to make it more likely that you will:
#1 Become a walking conversation starter
As you’re going about your day, you might encounter people who are intrigued by you, but too shy to approach. What you might not realize is that you have the power to become more approachable by simply giving strangers an easy excuse to start talking to you.
Find your unique way to stand out from the crowd. Maybe you finally dye your hair that shade of pink you've always wanted to try or show off that tattoo you normally cover up.
Less permanent options also work, like wearing bright or unusual accessories, like a hat, eyeglasses or shoes. Or try carrying something unexpected around, like a giant book or a stuffed owl or a guitar!
Get creative with it! If you think this doesn’t work, I challenge you to put on a full-blown costume on a random Tuesday and see how many people talk to you.
#2 Throw a party
Most people don’t enjoy the pressure or the crowds found at most singles events. The easiest way to attend an event that you’d enjoy is to throw it yourself! Organize something that appeals to the kinds of people you’d like to meet. Ask invitees to bring one single friend. Brainstorm what would be fun or exciting for you – a karaoke party, a high end cocktail party or a bowling night – if you’re into it, chances are other people will be too.
If you don’t feel you have the invite list to make this work, consider co-hosting with another single friend or promoting your event on social media or a site like meetup.com.
#3 Consider the people you already know
Sometimes there’s a romantic prospect right under your nose that you’ve overlooked. It could be a friend, or an acquaintance or the guy who always smiles at you at your local coffee shop. Maybe you’ve discounted someone because they’re not your usual type or because you think it would be awkward if things didn’t work out.
Instead of asking what could go wrong, ask what could go right? If someone has maintained interest in you at a distance for an extended period of time, at least you know they have good taste! And that’s a good starting point.
#4 Ask your friends for setups - effectively
If you’re not taking advantage of your existing social network, you’re missing a huge opportunity. The most common way heterosexual couples meet in the U.S. is through friends (online dating is #2 for heterosexual couples and #1 for homosexual couples). Sometimes that happens organically, and sometimes you need to nudge the matchmaking process along.
There are a number of reasons why a friend might not fix you up. She might not want to get blamed if it goes wrong. She might not realize you’re open to being set up. Or she might have her own preconceived notions of who you’d like and doesn’t know anyone who meets that criteria.
To get your friends to set you up, ask for low-pressure introductions. Make it clear you want to go on more dates and you’re open to good people who might be outside of the box for you. And most importantly – mean it! Don’t ask for a low-pressure setup unless you’re actually able to approach it that way. Which I encourage you to do!
#5 Play Cupid
You know how they say it’s better to give than to receive? Whether or not you agree, it’s definitely good karma to help another person meet someone special. Take a look at the singles in your life and see who you can set up. The better job you do, the more they’ll want to return the favor!
#6 Slide into someone’s DMs (in a non-creepy way)
Technically, social media isn’t “IRL”. But it is often a more meaningful way to see what a person really cares about, and therefore a good avenue to discover shared values and interests.
Take a look at your social networks and see if you’re connected to anyone you find intriguing. Sites like Facebook and even LinkedIn have relationship status as optional profile information.
There are lots of single people who write and talk publicly about their search for love – maybe one of them strikes your fancy? Shoot them a message introducing yourself and telling them what it is about them that caught your eye. Be sincere and not overtly sexual (unless that’s what you’re looking for and you don’t mind the risk of being blocked).
On a platform like Twitter or Instagram, it’s easy to comment, follow and potentially get a discussion started.
This approach takes patience - your first message should be exploratory. The more common ground you can find to highlight in your message, the more seriously it’s likely to be received. No “hey what’s up” here! Send a real message if you want a real response.
With the right openness, creativity and willingness to be more vulnerable than usual, you can make love happen anywhere. So get out there and be bold!
Francesca Hogi is a dating and life coach who works with extraordinary singles across the U.S. To learn more about Francesca and even book a free session, visit www.francescahogi.com.