7 Reasons Why My 7-Year-Old Has PMS

Every day I am rocked by the reality that my kids are growing up at an accelerated rate. Call them threenagers or 7-going-on-17, it is a common topic when stories are swapped on soccer sidelines, at play date pick-ups and even over adult drinks. Observing my girls (5 and 7), I can’t help but wonder if more mature experiences and influences are triggering bigger emotions sooner. Proof: My 7-year-old displays a whole slew of symptoms typically triggered by the good old crimson wave.

My moms-of-second-grade-girls friends say I am not alone, reporting their otherwise sweet and reasonably well-adjusted girls snapping into crazy mode in an all-too-familiar cyclical manner. A doctor, psychiatrist or educator could explain the physiological and social-emotional reasons for this. But I am just a mom on a self-preservation mission and therefore have diagnosed my dear daughter with pre-pre-menstrual syndrome, or PPMS.

No, I am not making light of early puberty. My daughter is showing zero physical signs of maturity – just the ugly emotional ones that have robbed me of my sanity a quarter of every month since I was 14 years old. That is more than 1,600 days, accounting for Aunt Flo’s extended vacations during my three pregnancies and breastfeeding. That hater probably went somewhere tropical to mock my beached whale status.

Back to my daughter and why I swear she is menstruating. Used as a verb, that word still has a fifth grade sex ed “ick” factor for me. I am not ready for this and had the scientifically unsound fantasy that my cycle would be nearly done when hers started. Circle of life stuff. Instead, here’s evidence – measured by PMS hallmark symptoms – that we’re having the pleasure of parallel periods a few years too soon: