Crushable commenter leniseheather is having text messaging problems with her fiance -- she's worried that he may have sent her a text that was meant to go to an other girl and she's questioning whether she wants to marry him -- and I'd like to offer some advice. She left this comment on an earlier column I wrote about getting texts from guys that you don't think were meant for you (emphasis mine):
"This just happened to me!!! I am still not convinced that it was meant for me!!...I received a text message from my fiance 2 days ago saying "Meet me at ESCAPE (name of bar) for a drink ur secret admirer". When I first read the text I thought he was outside my window playing a prank on me or something! I was so shocked and very confused that I didn't know what to do. So, I never replied....Now he's ringing me up and leaving messages saying "if Im pissed off because of the text then I'm a fool that he was trying to be funny, and he was waiting for me to reply that I'll be there" blah blah blah. I mean WTF?!? How the freakn heck do I know for sure now whether it was meant for me??? First of all, he has never texted me before like that EVER! Secondly, I have never been to the bar he asked me to meet him at. I want to talk to him about it but I just can't. I am half hoping that the text was meant for someone else as I have been having second thoughts about marrying him!!! The other half is that it's too painful to think that he would actually do this to me!!! AND at the same time, we've been together for 6 years now and it's not easy at all!"
First of all, if my boyfriend -- or worse, my fiance -- texted me anything I would never jump to the conclusion that it wasn't meant for me. I only did that when it was an ex texting me at 3 a.m. and I hadn't heard from him in months. But maybe I'm naive. If this is out of character for your fiance, then maybe you are right to get your back up.
I believe that your first course of action should not be to ignore the situation. You should definitely be talking to your fiance about this message, as well as your second thoughts about getting married. You should especially be talking to him about your second thoughts! What are you waiting for?
As for this particular text message, I think I would be too curious to not text him back. You could have been playful and met up with him. If he was expecting someone else, you would have caught him! Or, if you don't regularly talk to him over text, you could have called him and asked him point blank: "What's going on with you?" It seems to me like you need to have a big, serious conversation about your relationship, stat. Don't wait to catch him with another girl before you call off your wedding. I know it's scary to think of starting over after 6 years, but it's better than going through with marriage and having to deal with all this messiness after the fact.
Best of luck, leniseheather. Let us know what happens!
If you have any advice of your own for our confused commenter, leave it in the comments below. Have you ever had this happen to you?