Everything I Know About #BachelorInParadise I Learned From Twitter

Twitter is an amazing news source. It is also incredible at keeping you on top of the most important pop culture phenomena.

One of the things I love to do is live tweet television programs. Sharknado 3 was basically my Super Bowl. I also love live tweeting shows such as The Walking Dead and Game of Thrones.

One thing a lot of folks hate is people who live tweet TV shows. While they may have time to check out Twitter, they apparently do not have time to watch the TV program at the same time as I do. As a result, I receive a handful of hate tweets from folks telling me how I'm ruining everything for them.

So, with that in mind since I have no time (or desire) to actually watch #BachelorInParadise, I thought I would try to figure out what it is like to be on the other side of the tweeting.

Please join me in my attempt to learn all about #BachelorInParadise based only upon tweets I found on Twitter. Here we go...

Drama - There will be drama

Do any of us have enough drama in our lives? The answer is "No, I do not have enough drama in my life." Well you're in luck, as I have it on good source that the current season of #BachelorInParadise is full of drama. I also hope there will be a little intrigue as well. Sorry, that is just the romantic in me speaking.

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Jared is in for some heartbreak

I hope they are not talking about Jared from Subway. I am assuming they are not because Ashley is probably over the age of 21.

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Somebody watching the show had the ability to reference Gilligan's Island

This is something I find more unbelievable than the show premise itself (people finding love on TV). There is no way this demographic has heard of Gilligan's Island. Regardless, this just showcases the rampant agism on Twitter. The person didn't include Mr. Howell in the list of castaways. Frankly, given his financial status, Mr. Howell would probably be the only one to succeed on this show.

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Someone on this show is great with birds

Command of birds is the first thing I look for in a mate. This girl is an odds-on favorite if you ask me. She is also probably a huge hit at work on 'Pirate Day.'

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Playboy

A girl on the show posed for Playboy. Are we supposed to believe that only one of these women was previously naked elsewhere?

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Dating is dangerous

Things apparently got serious and someone ended up in a stretcher. They call this 'Paradise' but it sounds more like Survivor. This actually makes me want to watch the show. I'm assuming they were hunting for their own food. The woman climbed a tree to escape a bear while the guy actually tried to hunt a boar. The woman fell and ended up in a stretcher. I'm going to stop reading Twitter as I don't want to find out that isn't what actually happened.

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Lots of crying

Seems like a lot of people will be crying. I'm guessing because they put their lives on hold with hopes of becoming famous and most of them at some point realize we won't remember them by the time the reunion episode airs.

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How close was I? Let me know in the comments.

Jeff Dwoskin is a professional comedian, avid tweeter, and co-founder of Hashtag Roundup