Dogs may be “man’s best friend,” but they’re also arguably Twitter’s best subject. Over the years, dog owners and admirers have shared funny canine anecdotes, photos and more on Twitter.
In honor of National Dog Day, we’ve rounded up 45 tweets sure to resonate with dog lovers.
My dog is in the other room so I’m looking at pictures of her.— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) July 25, 2019
People who say "It's just a dog" don't understand how having a dog in your life works— EnvyDaTropic™ (@envydatropic) April 14, 2017
The #1 thing you can do to improve your life in just a matter of seconds is put a bandanna on your dog.— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) August 18, 2019
I accidentally stepped on my dog’s paw and she yelped, so I’ll just be here, questioning what kind of monster I am and crying all day.— Stacey (@skittle624) December 17, 2018
Not sure how to explain to my dog that every pit bull doesn't want to be his friend, especially when I haven't quite learned that lesson myself— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) August 17, 2019
Why do I feel the need to cover my dog with a blanket when he’s sleeping?— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) June 11, 2019
Almost tripping me is not just my dog's hobby, it's also his passion.— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) August 17, 2019
I just reached over and stroked the pedestal of a table bc I thought it was my dog, who is 3000 miles away and I’m in a hotel room help this is how it starts— Sarah Thyre (@SarahThyre) August 16, 2019
My dog chewed the squeaker out of a toy and is carrying it around the house like the heart of a slain enemy.— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) December 2, 2018
I always wanna go up to ppl's dogs & say "OMG I'm such a huge fan of your work. I've been following it since over there." *points 7 ft away*— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 13, 2016
I hate going to the dog park because I have to watch my dog be better at making friends than me— Drew Lynch (@TheDrewLynch) May 17, 2017
I don't tell other people their dog is cute in front of my dog.— EnvyDaTropic™ (@envydatropic) July 29, 2019
After all these years of the vacuum not killing my dog she still doesn’t trust it.— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) March 23, 2019
what do you call a friend that doesn't like dogs?— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) April 21, 2017
my dog just released a fart that slowed down my wifi.— Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) March 11, 2019
nice dog. Sure would be a shame if someone were to...pet it for like 40 minutes— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) February 3, 2016
Son: We’re having chicken and rice for dinner?— Stacey (@skittle624) August 17, 2019
Me: No. That’s for the dogs. Heat up some pizza rolls or something.
I only work out so I'm strong enough to hold every breed of dog like a baby.— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) August 10, 2015
My dog stole a wedge of cheese and slunk off to eat it under the dining room table, and I've never been more convinced he could be my biological son.— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) January 1, 2019
It’s truly crazy how all dogs die except for my dog who will never die.— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) March 25, 2019
If there is a dog in the office, my immediate new title becomes Chief Officer of Where Is Dog— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) November 2, 2016
In 34 years I've said I love you to two women and every dog I've ever seen.— Matt Monroe (@heymonroe) April 1, 2016
I love overhearing dog owners talking to their dogs— Julia Galef (@juliagalef) July 17, 2018
eg, I was petting this dog who seemed happy but then suddenly growled at me, so I left
As I turned the corner I could hear his owner saying to him reproachfully, "You always do this, Oscar, you drive away all your friends"
911 "What's your emergency?"— EnvyDaTropic™ (@envydatropic) August 14, 2019
Me "Um, yes, I can't see my dog on the live feed monitor. Was wondering if you'd stop by and check on him?"
every morning I ask the dog "the usual?" before pouring her food into her bowl & neither of us thinks it's funny but that's showbiz baby— dalton day (@lilghosthands) September 10, 2017
Me: It says here that having a dog can add years to your life.— The Personification of Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) March 23, 2015
Dog: Then it's in your interest to keep me happy, isn't it?
Me to my parents: "see ya later"— Jordyn (@jordynhalls) May 15, 2017
Me to my dog: "bye, I love you so much, I'll miss you, see you soon puppers, love you, bye!!!" Repeat x7
Hi, I spend 3 minutes every day choosing a TV channel to leave on for my dog, then I go to work and people take me seriously as an adult.— Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey) November 4, 2014
In this age of horrible headlines every hour, I feel bad for anyone who doesn't have a dog to cry on— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) June 21, 2018
sorry i didn't txt u back my dog was watching youtube on my phone— one of ur hoes (@miliondollameat) May 22, 2017
Having a dog is like being on a nonstop date with the guy who only asks "You gonna finish that?"— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) January 19, 2015
These two dogs just started barking at my dog and I couldn't let my boi be outnumbered so I started barking too— Shotbymojo📸 (@CainenAvery) April 27, 2017
My dog has started sleeping in front of the door so I can't leave without him & honestly, nice strategy, homie.— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) May 11, 2019
wife: "no"— k e i t h 🐤🥔 (@KeetPotato) March 3, 2017
me: "its a good name"
wife: "keith we're not calling the dog sarah jessica barker, keep thinking"
me: "woofie goldberg"
2-year-old: The dog ate my toast!— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 25, 2018
Me: How did he get it?
2: I gave it to him.
*petting a dog*— common sad girl (@sadgirlkms) May 10, 2017
me: pls cure my depression
I have moved into apartments after less careful consideration than my dog gives where she's going to poop on the sidewalk.— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) May 12, 2016
All this time I thought I needed more willpower to get in shape. Turns out what I really needed was a dog who barks relentlessly untill he gets his daily walk.— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) August 14, 2019
FURTHER PROOF DOGS R MAGIC: i was about to google an ex & my friend's dog ran over, put her paw on my keyboard, & looked deeply into my soul— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 15, 2016
Me: Don't lick the dog!— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 24, 2017
3-year-old: He licked me first.
[me passing literally any dog] wow there it is,, the world's best dog— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) October 27, 2016
[1st date]— Lazy dog (@LaziestCanine) October 22, 2015
Maybe next time i could meet your dog
Your dog is so cool
Do u mind if me & your dog hung out without you