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I Don't Want to Be Scared

With the arrival of my daughter, I went through typical first-time-mom fears. Is she eating enough? Is she sleeping enough? Is she hurt? Uncomfortable? Cold? Hot? Oh dear lord, am I doing this all wrong?
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With the arrival of my daughter, I went through typical first-time-mom fears.

Is she eating enough? Is she sleeping enough? Is she hurt? Uncomfortable? Cold? Hot? Oh dear lord, am I doing this all wrong?

Time went on to prove that yes, while I may have done {and continue to do} a few things wrong, she has still managed to turn out okay. Those fears have subsided, but they have been replaced by the kinds of fears I just don't want to have.

I don't want to be scared.

I don't want to be scared when I drop my kid off at school, unsure if something tragic will happen. Since Sandy Hook occurred the year my daughter was born, there has been close to 100 school shootings. I don't want to be scared that my daughter will be a victim in her own school, a place that so many perceived as "safe," until the unthinkable happened.

As a Jewish-American-Israeli family, we certainly understand what it means to grow up surrounded by different cultures and religions. We respect other's beliefs, even though they do not match our own. However, I know, unfortunately, this is not how everyone else operates. I do not want to be scared that while in my place of worship, my family will become a victim because of what we may or may not believe in. But a glimpse into the news will show you burning churches and hate crimes. Have we gone back in time?

This past week, my husband and I were throwing around the idea of taking our daughter to her first movie. As we watched yesterday's events unfold in Lafayette, we began to second-guess our idea. All of a sudden, a family outing to the movies isn't as easy as it should be. I don't want to be scared a deranged person will walk into the theater and open fire. Since when did this become a legit fear? What kind of world do we live in?
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I don't want to be scared.
I don't want fear to dictate my actions.

I take my daughter to school every day, kiss her goodbye, and pray that she stays safe. We attend holiday services and various activities at our synagogue, and smile at the security guard as we enter the building. And this weekend, we will take my daughter to see the Minion movie that she has become obsessed with.

I don't want to be scared.
I don't want fear to dictate my actions.

I will ensure that my children don't miss out on life. We will go about our plans as usual, and for that, I honestly view myself as a hero. No wait, a shero.

Don't be scared. Don't let fear dictate your actions. Join me in being a hero and facing those fears. It's all we can do to win against those who want to instill fear. Those who, clearly, have fears and demons of their own they refuse to face.

I won't be scared, but it sure will be hard.