This originally appeared on FreeSpirit Fit
I am tired. Frequently, if not daily, I am just straight up exhausted. And I have every reason in the world to not exercise. I work full time in a physicallly demanding inpatient setting, where helping adults double my size get out of a chair is a normal day. I'm a mom of two busy little ladies who want me down on the floor to do art projects and dancing in the kitchen. I'm cooking just enough to keep us from starving, blogging and filming, bedtime, laundry, and organinzing (HA! hahahahahaha) a household.
Oh wait. I just listed all the reasons I need to exercise. Sanity, physical health, the ability to keep up with small people and the strength/ mobilty/balance to move through my world on a daily basis.
And yet... I used to feel guilty when I took the time to workout. I'm already away from my kids for a long stretch of day, how could I miss any more? And then for a while I felt guilty when I missed a workout becasue I wasn't "perfect" in taking care of myself.
Whoa.
Mommin' ain't easy, and the guilt builds up quickly. The two things I have found to help me balance my needs and their needs are permission and grace. I gave myself permission to put myself first. I can't be a good caregiver when I'm burnt out. I can't be a good mom, wife, therapist, friend, employee, human - when I haven't taken care of myself. I gave myself permission to say no to projects that don't lead toward my goals or events that take away from my priorities. I gave myself permission to curl up with the girls at bedtime and let the dishes sit. I gave myself permission to enjoy my career while raising a family - and enjoy my family while growing a career. I gave myself permission to stop chasing perfection, which allowed me to give myself grace (defined as an act of kindess, courtesy, or clemency). It's ok to mess up, because I know I can try again. It's ok to stumble, because I am learning. It's ok if the kids are crying and the dog has eaten the tupperware and I'm late for work.
It's ok.
Permission. And grace.
The ability to do the things I need to do, and gentleness when I make mistakes. What has come from giving myself these gifts? More time spent with people and working on projects I truly love, fully now as I am not dragged down by things I think I "should" be doing. Increased patience with my children, husband, and dog. Increased joy in life, understanding that I am flawed and life is flawed and I need to roll with it. Less fear of missing out. Less concern of what others think. Life isn't easy. It's messy and heartbreaking and frustrating... and joyful.
Permission. And grace.
And love.