Platform 9 ¾ to Nowhere: Job Prospects Slim for Hogwarts Grads

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Despite its celebrity alumni, a recent study shows slim job prospects for recent graduates of the Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Situated in the picturesque Scottish highlands, the venerated institution is known for its commitment to magical curriculum and academic rigor. Still, the bulk of its graduates find themselves unemployable with no marketable skills.

An official from the Ministry of Magic Education Department offered an explanation: "Though many students did go on to achieve fame and positions of prominence in Dumbledore's Army, the war with Voldemort is long over. Hogwarts has yet to adapt to this post-Vold War era. Since a strong focus on defense against the dark arts is imprudent in peacetime, it's time to shift focus to majors like care of magical creatures and apparitions -- subjects with practical applications in the real world."

One recent graduate disagreed, saying, "Majoring in apparitions was the dumbest thing I ever did. One hundred resumes later and I'm still hanging out in my parents' basement with my wand in my hands. You can't even get a muggle job with zero experience. Sure, Hogwarts was fun -- but I took platform 9 ¾ to nowhere."

Image: "The Magician," engraved by S. Devonport from a painting by George Clint, source:The Token (1856). Public domain via Wikimedia Commons.